Infidelity tests now a common affair
Neha Bhayana | TOI-CREST EDITION
One morning last month,Dubai resident Raj Kanodia fished out a used bedsheet from the laundry basket while his wife was away.He then swiped his mouth with a cotton bud to collect saliva,sealed it in an envelope,and couriered it to a Hyderabad laboratory along with the used bed linen.
A week later,the 34-yearold got his answer.As I suspected,the stain on the bedsheet was indeed semen.And the DNA did not match mine, he says.Kanodia,who has been married for two years,was hurt but is still glad he ordered the test.If I hadnt,I would have been nagged by doubt, says the former Delhi resident,adding that he confronted his wife and they are still trying to work things out.
The test was life-altering for Kanodia,but at the laboratoryOne Touch Solutions and Services (OTS)it was a routine infidelity test.The lab gets at least two to three such requests a month,mostly from young,married men.
Though the infidelity test,which is popular abroad,is relatively new to India,demand for it has been increasing,says Ritu Sohaney,a DNA test consultant at OTS.
The lab gets used condoms,cigarette butts,underwear,waxing strips,tongue cleaners,earbuds,nails and blood-stained bedsheets for testing,she adds.
The Indian Biosciences Laboratory in Gurgaon also receives four to five enquiries every month from young people who want to know how they can nail their cheating spouses.The company charges Rs 27,920 to test one suspicious object.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Very very good article by Mellissaji ... relationship Bombay Times..28 July 2011
Learned a lot about practical outlook about keeping or dumping relationship, and what is not important in relationship. Read carefully point no.8 and get true meaning. Persons as described in point 8 are very clear. Such persons can not be cured even by top of the line doctors,psychiatrists,counselors,they dont believe,they dont believe in morality and if any lay person thinks he/ she can change such a person then not even god can save him or her....Alok
Love between the lines
10 false notions that romantic novels encourage
1 Every relationship ends with a happily ever after:
While a romance novel may end on a happy note,life is a different story with ups and downs that you have to deal with.
2 All romantic heroes are tall,dark and handsome:
This myth is slowly changing even in romance novels but it still exists at the back of our minds.All romantic heroines are beautiful,proportionate,curvy with a beautiful complexion.Romance is not only about the physical attributes.It's more about connecting with the person and sharing a comfort level.Keep in mind that no one is perfect.
3 Grand expensive gestures are the best way to express love:
Learn to pay attention to the little things.You dont always need expensive declarations of love to know that someone cares for you.
4 Condoms are barriers between you and your loved one:
Love making scenes in romance novels are not always a reflection of reality,and while the protagonist of a romance novel can afford to risk things,can you
5 Relationships are easy and things automatically fall into place:
You have to work on your relationship,no matter how perfect things may seem.
6 You will always find happiness with Mr Money Bags:
Financial security is not a guarantee of everlasting happiness.It can make things easy for you but is not the only basis for a good relationship.
7 Forcing you to do something you are not comfortable with in the bedroom is a hint of uncontrolled passion:
When an individual says no,we should respect that and no matter how passionate you feel you cant force yourself on someone.
8 Drug addicts,abusers,alcoholics,skirt chasers can all be reformed with love:
While people change its important to be realistic because relationships are hard.Taking on the responsibility of an addict or an alcoholic demands a lot from you as a person.So,ask yourself are you secure enough to deal with the situations that you may encounter.
9 Candlelight dinners,flowers,expensive gifts and trips are the only way to romance your loved one:
Love is not about extravagant gifts or candelight dinners.Its about caring for each other and being there always.
10 Follow your heart no matter what,even when things sound stupid and absurd:
Have a balance when it comes to making decisions.Listen to your heart and mind,so that you strike a balance between logic and emotions.
melissa.dcosta@timesgroup.com
10 false notions that romantic novels encourage
1 Every relationship ends with a happily ever after:
While a romance novel may end on a happy note,life is a different story with ups and downs that you have to deal with.
2 All romantic heroes are tall,dark and handsome:
This myth is slowly changing even in romance novels but it still exists at the back of our minds.All romantic heroines are beautiful,proportionate,curvy with a beautiful complexion.Romance is not only about the physical attributes.It's more about connecting with the person and sharing a comfort level.Keep in mind that no one is perfect.
3 Grand expensive gestures are the best way to express love:
Learn to pay attention to the little things.You dont always need expensive declarations of love to know that someone cares for you.
4 Condoms are barriers between you and your loved one:
Love making scenes in romance novels are not always a reflection of reality,and while the protagonist of a romance novel can afford to risk things,can you
5 Relationships are easy and things automatically fall into place:
You have to work on your relationship,no matter how perfect things may seem.
6 You will always find happiness with Mr Money Bags:
Financial security is not a guarantee of everlasting happiness.It can make things easy for you but is not the only basis for a good relationship.
7 Forcing you to do something you are not comfortable with in the bedroom is a hint of uncontrolled passion:
When an individual says no,we should respect that and no matter how passionate you feel you cant force yourself on someone.
8 Drug addicts,abusers,alcoholics,skirt chasers can all be reformed with love:
While people change its important to be realistic because relationships are hard.Taking on the responsibility of an addict or an alcoholic demands a lot from you as a person.So,ask yourself are you secure enough to deal with the situations that you may encounter.
9 Candlelight dinners,flowers,expensive gifts and trips are the only way to romance your loved one:
Love is not about extravagant gifts or candelight dinners.Its about caring for each other and being there always.
10 Follow your heart no matter what,even when things sound stupid and absurd:
Have a balance when it comes to making decisions.Listen to your heart and mind,so that you strike a balance between logic and emotions.
melissa.dcosta@timesgroup.com
Friday, July 22, 2011
Misconception or suppressed facts?????
---------------------------------------------
There is per se nothing wrong with topic, issues raised, language used. Rather name/word like penis is simply not used in its true spelling is a cheap mentality. We r not here a cheap, criminal , sick psyche people to get some wrong message from a simple word describing our body organ.
However the facts narrated r not right and are presented in confused way.
There r broadly two types of erctile dysfunctions A. Psychogenic B. Organic/ Physiological
A competent health and s*x expert can identify the reason and try to cure psychological reason thru psychiatirst and if treated erection can be restored.
In case of physiological disorder:
1. Penis r of differt sizes. But penis of the size smaller then abt 5 cm when erect r not satisfying to partner and not considered as good enough for s*x.
2. Penis if can not last erect for more then reasonable strokes and seconds always then is not fit for intercourse. However at some time or other all men have sustaining desired enough but if that is a permanent case then not fit case for partnering.
3. If any male is never able to penetrate then also he is considered unfit.
4. Hormonal defeciency but which is easily treateable.
However like any other defeciency most s*xual defecienies are treatable and with scientific eduactions many get get cured. Viagra has helped millions of suffering male. If wife agrees then many suffering men can under go surgery for artificial erection and same can give good results.
But but if there is total failure to have satisfying physical relationship then
a) If person and his family was aware of such untreatable defeciency then they should be punished.
b) If they come to know after marriage and r not able to cure the defeciency then man should gracefully give option to wife to seek divorce by consent.
c) If male denies right of wife to enjoy and vice a versa is true then too they r left with no choice but to seek divorce where a detailed report from competent doctor is asked and then only judgement is given. I dont think any one can get divorce easily on this ground by making false allegation. And then higher court and medical report from super specialists are available.
Hope this will satisfy the conflicts in mind and which erupt because we dont have s*x eduaction in India not even for MBBS / other higher medical courses.
Alok Tholiya
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PASS THE BISCUITS ...and burnt ones will do...Alok
PASS THE BISCUITS ......!!
When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people.. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forgive the ones who don't.
ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRY DATE!
When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people.. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forgive the ones who don't.
ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRY DATE!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Some tips for the D-day
The nuptial day is very important and you have to keep in mind several things so that your special day becomes a memorable one and everybody remembers it for years to come. Budget allocation, beauty treatments, getting the list of guests ready and many other works has to be completed before you actually tie the knot. If it is an arranged marriage try to get to know your fianc� and in-laws so that your relationship after marriage gets stronger and better. Patience, respect, and compromise are the key to the success of any relationship and so is the case for marriages. So prepare yourself in a way so that you are patient when discussing matters with your in-laws and fianc�. Getting jittery before marriage and becoming nervous are common issues which every girl faces so try to do some mediation which will help you to be calm for your final day.
from :http://sitagita.co
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Court refuses to grant stay on adultery trial Page 7, TOI, Mumbai June 24, 2011
g There are many who think that we can live the way we like. But no....there are some laws, civil society framework , disciplines etc etc.. Since they are ignorant they cross the limit and then suffer. These type of news, my mails, blogs, yahoogroups are only meant for creating awareness and making one responsible and aware citizen.Though ignorance of law and changing norms in society are no defense in court and law is supreme till amended. Read carefully..........Alok
http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM%2F2011%2F06%2F24&ViewMode=GIF&PageLabel=9&EntityId=Ar00901&AppName=1
Mumbai: The Bombay High Court on Thursday said that there was no stay on the trial in a complaint filed against a man for allegedly having adulterous relationship with a married woman pending a challenge raised by him to the constitutional validity of the penal provisions against adultery under Indian law.
The bench of Justice B H Marlapalle and Justice U D Salvi came down heavily on the petitioner and said “if somebody wants free sex, then first release themselves from the institution of marriage. If such acts are allowed, then there would be no civil society,” the judges said.
The section needs to be amended to bring women under the purview, the judges said. “Under personal law, both the spouses are punished.”
The judges observed that adultery was an “offence against the institution of marriage”. “In fact, the reading of the Section and the concerned chapter of Indian Penal Code, this is the only offence which is compoundable. Nowhere in the world is this accepted.”
The court accepted arguments made by advocate Vibhav Krishna for the complainant, Sundeep Singapuri, that the trial cannot be stalled. The court had earlier sought the presence of additional solicitor general who represented the central government in the matter given the graveness of the challenge. The accused, a reputed businessman, had earlier argued through his counsel Nitin Pradhan that he would be affected if the trial continued and he later succeeded in the petition. He also argued that in a changed society, such norms could not bind relationships.
The next date for trial is July 5 at the Dadar metropolitan court.
http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM%2F2011%2F06%2F24&ViewMode=GIF&PageLabel=9&EntityId=Ar00901&AppName=1
Court refuses to grant stay on adultery trial
Swati Deshpande TNN
Mumbai: The Bombay High Court on Thursday said that there was no stay on the trial in a complaint filed against a man for allegedly having adulterous relationship with a married woman pending a challenge raised by him to the constitutional validity of the penal provisions against adultery under Indian law.
The bench of Justice B H Marlapalle and Justice U D Salvi came down heavily on the petitioner and said “if somebody wants free sex, then first release themselves from the institution of marriage. If such acts are allowed, then there would be no civil society,” the judges said.
The section needs to be amended to bring women under the purview, the judges said. “Under personal law, both the spouses are punished.”
The judges observed that adultery was an “offence against the institution of marriage”. “In fact, the reading of the Section and the concerned chapter of Indian Penal Code, this is the only offence which is compoundable. Nowhere in the world is this accepted.”
The court accepted arguments made by advocate Vibhav Krishna for the complainant, Sundeep Singapuri, that the trial cannot be stalled. The court had earlier sought the presence of additional solicitor general who represented the central government in the matter given the graveness of the challenge. The accused, a reputed businessman, had earlier argued through his counsel Nitin Pradhan that he would be affected if the trial continued and he later succeeded in the petition. He also argued that in a changed society, such norms could not bind relationships.
The next date for trial is July 5 at the Dadar metropolitan court.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
how to "fireproof" a marriage
There is an increasing body of research that tells us how to "fireproof" a marriage. People have long labored under false ideas about what it takes to form and then sustain a long-term, loving relationship. Some people have the idea that they must find a "soul mate," one who is destined to meet own needs. Current research shows that while we do need someone who connects with us emotionally, good marriages are not written in the stars. Instead, they are created by our ability to connect: a skill that can be learned and improved upon.
Pre-marriage dating normally stresses on the importance of compatibility, but compatibility has more to do with forming a relationship than with keeping one going. And a person / whole family if are hoard of cheats then will present them in a way that are seen as they are the most compatible but when marriage is solemnized their true colour and incompatibility is seen. Then one finds that they are unable to deal with the negatives in the marriage. In other words, it's not the problems themselves that kill the marriage, but our inability to cope effectively with the problems. This inability is essentially the result of habits that erode the foundation of the connection in the marriage.
Recent research indicates that the wish to have a close, emotional connection with others is a fundamental human need. If that deep intimate connection is not present in our marriage, we will grow unhappy, dissatisfied.
Translate your spouse's complaints about you as a desire for a closer connection. For example, an argument about how much time a husband spends at the office is probably really about a loss of emotional intimacy.
Keep regular contacts with your spouse by phone, e-mail, or even notes to indicate your desire to have an ongoing, emotional connection.
You cannot rely on your partner "knowing" that you love her. Marriages need continual displays of caring. As those diminish, so does marital satisfaction.
Go to a marriage counselor if you find your marriage is on rough surface. Research shows that most people experience marital unhappiness for several years before seeking help. Waiting this long makes it far less likely that the counseling will be helpful.
And there are many others who think counselors are their slaves and start dictating terms like handle this way or that way my spouse. Note counselors are not your barbers to follow your dictates while doing your hairstyle. They are not working for your tips/ bribes and hence are not there for pleasing you, take your side or do act as you wish.They have atma/ conscious of their own and are having responsibility to be fair to all.. They forget that counselors,police,judges handle such imposters / frauds/ liars/cheats everyday and that they will be worth nothing if they can not read between the lines.
And by chance you succeed to mislead a counselor then too it is your funeral as you are further aggravating the relationship by bending and twisting the process.
Don't go to a counselor :
You don't always have to agree with everything your spouse says, but it is important that you make sure he/she feels like you're listening and that you consider his/her opinion to be valid. If your partner feels rejected by you, you're lighting the fire of divorce.
Don't become a workaholic unless you want to be divorced. You can't over value your job, other relations,other hobbies and devalue your spouse.
If you have children, you still need to emphasize the emotional connection with your spouse. Otherwise, you'll make it much more likely that your kids will grow up in a single-parent home.
Don't push your partner to so much in tight corner by doing something very unworthy/ unhealthy /unacceptable that he/she has to go and complain about you or your family and friends. While your all misdeeds and shamelessness may be too simple for you and your own gang as you have been brought up in such environment and thinking but may not be acceptable in any society / norms then how and why your spouse should bear it at all.
Good sexual relationships are the result of good emotional connections. Don't expect to first harass, insult, demean, cheat her or her family or physically abuse her or do unaccepatble behaviour and then expect satisfying physical response.
You have to win your spouse by having a beautiful heart ( by being loyal, trustworthy, tolerant, jovial, caring) and giving beautiful environment. ( try once in a while dim musical lights, safe ,secluded place, flowers, fragrance, chocolate ice cream and some good words about your spouse).
Don't have an affair. Most affairs end with great damage to all parties.
These are a few ways to maintain a healthy, happy marriage.
Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. is past-president of the Texas Psychological Association and a member of the American Psychological Association's Division 51 (Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity).
Excerpted in part from The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce and on with Life, Sex, and Relationships by Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. and Glenn F. Sternes, Ph.D. (2009, Bayou Publishing). Reprinted with permission.
Pre-marriage dating normally stresses on the importance of compatibility, but compatibility has more to do with forming a relationship than with keeping one going. And a person / whole family if are hoard of cheats then will present them in a way that are seen as they are the most compatible but when marriage is solemnized their true colour and incompatibility is seen. Then one finds that they are unable to deal with the negatives in the marriage. In other words, it's not the problems themselves that kill the marriage, but our inability to cope effectively with the problems. This inability is essentially the result of habits that erode the foundation of the connection in the marriage.
Recent research indicates that the wish to have a close, emotional connection with others is a fundamental human need. If that deep intimate connection is not present in our marriage, we will grow unhappy, dissatisfied.
Here are a few tips on how to fireproof your marriage:
Translate your spouse's complaints about you as a desire for a closer connection. For example, an argument about how much time a husband spends at the office is probably really about a loss of emotional intimacy.
Keep regular contacts with your spouse by phone, e-mail, or even notes to indicate your desire to have an ongoing, emotional connection.
You cannot rely on your partner "knowing" that you love her. Marriages need continual displays of caring. As those diminish, so does marital satisfaction.
Go to a marriage counselor if you find your marriage is on rough surface. Research shows that most people experience marital unhappiness for several years before seeking help. Waiting this long makes it far less likely that the counseling will be helpful.
And there are many others who think counselors are their slaves and start dictating terms like handle this way or that way my spouse. Note counselors are not your barbers to follow your dictates while doing your hairstyle. They are not working for your tips/ bribes and hence are not there for pleasing you, take your side or do act as you wish.They have atma/ conscious of their own and are having responsibility to be fair to all.. They forget that counselors,police,judges handle such imposters / frauds/ liars/cheats everyday and that they will be worth nothing if they can not read between the lines.
And by chance you succeed to mislead a counselor then too it is your funeral as you are further aggravating the relationship by bending and twisting the process.
Don't go to a counselor :
- if you want only change in your spouse while you want to continue your sins.
- if you dont want to own up your own mistakes and seek ways to avoid
- if you want counselor to be your instrument and to play to your tune
- if you dont trust your counselor or wont listen to their advises
- If you think they have a magic wand and that they will give you solution over night . Your sinister behavior may be so deep that it may take several sittings before a bud can be seen and blossoming may be still distant .
- If your false pride can not surrender before counselor
- if you can not admit and assure that you can work on yourself seriously and committed. A habitual lair, womanizer, person going berserk in fit of rage , person deeply desirous of dowry (dowry mania), person keeping parallel relations, person wants only stooges around and spends on them fortune as his weak moral and personality can only take songs to please him and can not bear even constructive and truthful criticism in spite of his behavior being illegal/ immoral and habitually remaining in addiction of sex, wine or drugs ( read obsessive compulsive disorder).
You don't always have to agree with everything your spouse says, but it is important that you make sure he/she feels like you're listening and that you consider his/her opinion to be valid. If your partner feels rejected by you, you're lighting the fire of divorce.
Don't become a workaholic unless you want to be divorced. You can't over value your job, other relations,other hobbies and devalue your spouse.
If you have children, you still need to emphasize the emotional connection with your spouse. Otherwise, you'll make it much more likely that your kids will grow up in a single-parent home.
Don't push your partner to so much in tight corner by doing something very unworthy/ unhealthy /unacceptable that he/she has to go and complain about you or your family and friends. While your all misdeeds and shamelessness may be too simple for you and your own gang as you have been brought up in such environment and thinking but may not be acceptable in any society / norms then how and why your spouse should bear it at all.
Good sexual relationships are the result of good emotional connections. Don't expect to first harass, insult, demean, cheat her or her family or physically abuse her or do unaccepatble behaviour and then expect satisfying physical response.
You have to win your spouse by having a beautiful heart ( by being loyal, trustworthy, tolerant, jovial, caring) and giving beautiful environment. ( try once in a while dim musical lights, safe ,secluded place, flowers, fragrance, chocolate ice cream and some good words about your spouse).
Don't have an affair. Most affairs end with great damage to all parties.
These are a few ways to maintain a healthy, happy marriage.
Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. is past-president of the Texas Psychological Association and a member of the American Psychological Association's Division 51 (Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity).
Excerpted in part from The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce and on with Life, Sex, and Relationships by Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. and Glenn F. Sternes, Ph.D. (2009, Bayou Publishing). Reprinted with permission.
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