5 Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

By Anita Yok Sim Ho for YourTango.com

In marriage it's common sense advice to treat one another with respect and share love. But some are not so sure what that looks like on a day to day basis. That's where things get a little trickier. Check out this list of marriage "don'ts" to make sure you're on the right track to a lasting, loving relationship.

For A Healthy Marriage, Don't...

1. Close the door to communication 
How can you expect anything to be resolved without clear communication? Take the time to deeply listen to your significant other before responding. We often want to dive into an argument quickly and come from a place of reactivity and fear. Be very mindful of your intention before you speak. Ask yourself, is this for the interest to promote sharing and harmony or is this a need to be right or to control. Look underneath the words to the heart of the matter: often the visible disagreement is only the end result of a much deeper issue. Doing this will set the stage for a much quicker and cleaner resolution.

2. Assume it's your partner's job to make you happy 
Putting the heavy responsibility on another human being to make you happy all the time is unrealistic and unfair. Tune into yourself and really know yourself. Love yourself. Meditate, journal, eat well and set out with the intention of discovering yourself. When you know and love yourself from the inside out, you are much better able to deal with life's curveballs with ease and grace — and much less frustration and anger.

3. Withhold intimacy 
It's guaranteed that every couple will experience disagreements and hurt feelings. During these bumps in the road, it is essential to keep the usual intimacy going. For some, a single heartfelt touch is worth a thousand words and its weight in gold. To express love in this manner really demonstrates to the other that unconditional love exists. That's important to a relationship: you should support and care for one another even through arguments.

4. Hinder your partner's growth 
All life moves in cycles, and as human beings we are no different. As in nature, if you are not growing, you are dying. We constantly have new experiences and this brings the possibility of changes. When your partner changes and grows, it can feel threatening. But trust that they are moving forward in a way that is healthy and important. You would want them to support you in the same way. Are you in a partnership or are you a jailkeeper? 5. Forget to make time for each other 

If you are not actively carving out time to spend with each other, your relationship really has a poor chance of survival. We are social beings and naturally want to spend and share time with our chosen partner. But as other responsibilities, like work, friends, family and personal time sneak in, our partners often get taken for granted and take a backseat. This situation often evolves into a "two ships passing in the night" and "we just grew apart" scenario.

Marriages can be challenging, and making sure you're steering clear of these damaging "don'ts" do take some effort. But the payoff is worth it: you'll be nurturing a healthy relationship that both of you will find extremely enriching and supportive for years to come.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/26/marriage-mistakes_n_3787601.html?ir=Divorce&utm_campaign=082613&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Alert-divorce&utm_content=Title

" Confronting Most Common Male and Female Sexual Dysfunctions".....the best workshop I attended..

A life time experience, a treat, a learning and much more ...........

As by now many of you  are aware that   for over a decade  now I am a  Life Member of the very noble and esteemed organisation the " Council Of Sex Education and Parenthood (Int.). affiliated to the International Council of Sex education and Parenthood , Washington DC,USA, Founded by Dr. Patricia Schiller. Indian arm has top jewels of sexology in India viz. Dr. Mahinder Vatsa, Dr. Narayana Reddy, Dr. Vithal Prabhu, Dr. Saroj Gumaste, Dr. Prakash Kothari, Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurti, Dr. Padmini, Dr. Hitesh Shah, Dr Shirish Malde, Dr. Rupin Shah, and the most unforgettable Late Dr. J V Bhatt and so on  from the field of sexology, Psychology, Psychiatry, counselors, andrologist, endocrinologist,Urologist, Gynecologist etc etc.

The Council organizes very useful and educative workshops and conferences on the relevant subjects.

On last 21 st August 2013 Council organised very informative and educative workshop on " Confronting Most Common Male and Female Sexual Dysfunctions" conducted by world renowned sexologist  Dr. Barry McCarthy, PHD, Professor of Psychology, Washington University, USA.  The workshop was held at West End Hotel , Mumbai.

I may have attended hundreds of  lectures, conferences, seminars, workshops on various topics earlier but this was different from all others in several ways viz.:

1. Organizers did not waste time on any rituals or speeches or any other thing and strictly adhered to main course of the day.
2.  DR Barry non stop spoke and replied to one and all questions smilingly without any haste, without ignoring or pulling down anyone, and went on for breathless marathon workshop of 7 hours practically covering each and every aspect of modern sexual issues and how to encounter same. 
3. Not for a moment there was a break in continuity and his charm and refreshing personality kept everyone attentive and engrossed otherwise no one can withstand one speaker for 7 long hours but every one can if speaker is none other then Dr Berry McCarthy.
4. I have heard many speakers but most  try to withhold some information / withhold key know how but here was a speaker who overwhelmingly drowned in most scientific knowledge each and everyone to best of his best expertise. A true Guru who wants his pupils to excel better then himself. 
5. His language pleasant, posture and attitude  composed that we specially our politicians, bureaucrats, police and professionals  have to learn lot from Dr. Berry who normally shout angrily if they have differences. If Dr. had different views on any opinion expressed by any member then always  he would start his reply by saying " with full respect to your views I  humbly say............" . 
6. One very noticeable revolution was earlier years there used to be hardly any women participant but this time over 40 % were women and mostly young professionals. However age of participants ranged between 22 to 80 years from both gender.

Some of the salient points Dr Barry  made:  

1. Don't shame your clients. 

2. Don't act God. Give them knowledge and then let them decide.

3.Bad marriage may survive but will never thrive.

4.Marriages ought to be  "Satisfying, Stable and Sexual relationship" and a Ld. Lady ( I am forgetting name) added Commitment to this. 

In the registration kit we have been given a very useful Workshop Handout so one can refresh as and when needed all that knowledge he imparted to us. 

I may add some pages scanned from this handout at later date when I find time. This is Sunday evening and all my family members have gone out together and I hv remained indoors to share my experience: 

I do not know why our TV and other media miss out on covering such speakers who can be real great treat for their audience and boost TRP too. 

Here are some snaps : 

 Welcome Sign.

DR Berry speaking

And speaking 

 Dr Mahinder Watsa and active member with Dr Berry 

Alok Tholiya ( myself )with Dr Berry and Dr Watsa

Men, Sex, and Aging

Your Bo

Men, Sex, and Aging

Guys, it’s a fact of life that as you get older, certain physical changes can impact your performance in the bedroom. You may find yourself thinking about sex less often, your erections may not be as robust, and you may not get turned on as easily as you did when you were younger.

The good news is that there are solutions to your sexual health worries. Here’s a look at common concerns and ways to restore your sex life.

Low Testosterone

Testosterone is the hormone that fuels a man’s sex drive. After 40, men’s testosterone levels begin to decline. In many men, as your T levels gradually go down, your libido slowly declines as well.

If you lose your desire for sex or have erection problems, you could have low testosterone, a more serious health problem.

Lots of things can make low T more likely, including type 2 diabetes, cirrhosis of the liver, kidney failure, hormone disorders, damage to the testicles, and certain genetic conditions. Some medications can also affect your testosterone levels. T levels can also fall if you pack on too many pounds or drink too much alcohol.  

A blood test will tell you if your T levels are low. If they are, and you have many of the symptoms linked to low T, testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) can help boost your T levels and bring your sex drive back to normal. TRT comes in patch and gel form, and as long-lasting implants.

Erectile Dysfunction

ED becomes more common as men get older. Blood flow to the penis -- needed for an erection -- slows with age, and you’ll probably have to work harder to get aroused. The ability to maintain an erection also wanes.

But don’t be too quick to blame erection problems on your age. Diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and high blood pressure boost your chances of getting ED, which may be a symptom of these and other serious health conditions.

Avoiding ED is another good reason to get and stay fit. If you exercise, eat well, and steer clear of tobacco, you’ll likely do better between the sheets.

Stress, depression, injuries to the penis, and hormone disorders can also play a role in ED, as can some medications and surgical procedures, including some forms of prostate cancer surgery.

There are many treatments for ED. Most often prescribed are drugs known as PDE-5 inhibitors (Cialis, Levitra, Staxyn, and Viagra), which help erections by improving blood flow to the penis. Surgery, vacuum devices, penile injections, and implants are also among the options for ED.

Enlarged Prostate (BPH)

Prostate growth is a normal part of aging for most men. Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) is an enlarged prostate. BPH isn't cancer, and it doesn't make cancer more likely. But it does cause its own set of problems, which often impact a man’s sex life, particularly after age 50.

BPH often makes it tough to urinate. It also sends a man to bathroom much more often and urgently than in his younger days. These symptoms, known as lower urinary tract symptoms (LUTS), make it tough to get and maintain an erection. They also increase the chances of premature ejaculation. They can chill a man’s interest in sex or make sex much less satisfying. The worse the LUTS get, the worse the associated sex problems become.

Medications can help control LUTS for many men. These include: 

• alfuzosin (Uroxatral) 
• doxazosin (Cardura) 
• dutasteride (Avodart) 
• finasteride (Proscar) 
• silodosin (Rapaflo) 
• tadalafil (Cialis) 
• tamsulosin (Flomax) 
• terazosin

Severe cases, however, may need surgery.

http://men.webmd.com/sexual-health-13/sex-and-aging?ecd=wnl_sxr_082113&ctr=wnl-sxr-082113_promo_3&mb=37dz9PaVSpmjqdfYp%40TOnuHnVev1imbCkGiMegP%2f4k0%3d

Orgasms Can Make You Smarter: ...do not deny same to you and your spouse

No one tells yoy this except Alok : However either one of the partner being in anger, in mood to take revenge,in pain, or to hide his/ her true sexuality ( normally when having extramarital relations on purpose does not particiapte activly/ joyfully. This results in stiffness/ dryness further resulting in non orgasm. Non orgasm/ absence of joyful participation can affect other partner too. Thus denying other partner of pleasure / Orgasm as he feels offended/ insulted/ deprived/ he feels he /she can not be over active when other partner is not and finally he too becomes dull resulting in inproper arousal/ weakening erection and finally unorgasmic. And end result is he / she is less smart/ less active / less ambitious in life and thus less successful. ....Others who are smart and successful are thosewho are disconnected with spouse and have personal grave ambition to chase power, post, religion, research etc and they too are successful. Rest live and die like depressed, uncompititive suffering souls.

Orgasms Can Make You Smarter: Here’s How to Have More of Them

By Laura Berman, PhD
Published Aug 9, 2013

YOUR REACTION?

I Like It

So So

Inspiring

Intriguing

Important

Orgasms can do a body (and a brain) good.
A new study from Rutgers has found that orgasm can actually increase brain activity. The researchers used an fMRI machine to measure blood flow to different parts of the brain, and then they had the study participants engage in a variety of activities from crossword puzzles to self-stimulation. They found that while certain mental exercises (such as crossword puzzles or Sudoku puzzles) can increase activity in parts of the brain, only orgasm could increase activity across the entire brain. In other words, self-stimulation and orgasm actually had more positive mental benefits than “cerebral” activities like puzzle-solving!
The Rutgers study is just one of many that have studied the potential benefits of sexual satisfaction. Other studies have found that orgasms are beneficial because they help to improve circulation, burn calories, promote better sleep, alleviate pain, improve mood, and decrease stress. Hence, not only does sex feel good, it’s actually good for you…both physically and mentally as this new research shows.
So how can you enjoy more orgasms and increase your sexual pleasure? Consider the following:
· Get to know your hotspots. If you don’t know your body and what makes you feel good, how can you expect your partner to know? Identify your hotspots such as your clitoris and your G-spot and don’t be afraid to try positions that give you the stimulation you need during foreplay and intercourse. Moan and coo to let your partner know when he is on the right track, or speak up and tell him what feels good—in a complimentary way, of course. For example, say something like, “I love it when you touch me like that” or “It makes me so hot when you kiss me deeply.” Let him know what turns you on…because that in turn will turn him on as well!
· Self-stimulate more often. As the Rutgers study shows, orgasms are beneficial even when they come from self-stimulation. By staying in touch with your body and masturbating regularly you can help to improve your circulation and your sexual response, and it can also help to keep you in touch with your sexual desires and your fantasies.
· Let go of the idea that sex can only happen when the house is clean, your legs are shaved, the kids are asleep and the laundry is put away. If you want more orgasms in your life, you have to stop postponing sexual pleasure until life is more relaxed…because that day probably won’t ever come. Life is messy, unpredictable, and fast-paced, but that’s okay—because sex can be too!
· Remember, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm! People often think that there is a “right” way for orgasms to happen (such as during intercourse) and they feel bad if they can’t orgasm simultaneously with their partner or with minimal effort. However, I always say that an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. In other words, it doesn’t matter how or when you reach orgasm, whether it’s before sex or after sex, or whether it’s from self-stimulation, oral sex, or intercourse. There is no “right” way to enjoy sexual pleasure, it’s simply however works best for you and your partner. So take the pressure off and don’t put too many expectations or “should’s” around your sexual pleasure. Just let orgasms happen when they happen and enjoy the journey itself and not just the destination.

Posted in: sexual health : http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/dr-laura-berman-on-love-and-sex/orgasms-can-make-you-smarter-heres-how-to-have-more-of-them/?pos=1

Ask Dr. Michael Thase

Am I Causing My Husband's Depression?

Q: My husband suffers from depression and has been pulling away from me little by little. Now we are more like roommates than like husband and wife. He travels a lot for a living, so the growing apart has been very gradual. He's concluded that I am the root of his unhappiness and he refuses to get help because he truly believes that I am the problem. What can I do? 

— Karen, Colorado

A: 

I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband are growing apart. Relationship problems are seldom one-sided, but for the moment, you may need to seek help by yourself, at least to help clarify the issues and develop a plan of action. For starters, you might seek out a therapist or counselor who sees both couples and individuals. That may help you figure out some better ways to approach your husband about the issues you are facing as a couple.

Learn more in the Everyday Health Depression Center.

Last Updated: 07/15/2010

Dr. Michael Thase is director of the Depression Treatment and Research Program at Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic in Pittsburgh.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression-specialist/am-i-causing-my-husbands-depression.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthLivingWithDepression_20130808