Install Love...........And Lo .....it works....Alok

 

Customer: I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process
Tech Support: Yes Sir/Ma'am... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart.  Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of it's own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to
completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get  the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - program not running on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry ma'am. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Can you pull down Self-Acceptance; then  click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and  Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and  begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes  back.

Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment  are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it
and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

 Customer: I promise to do just that.  By the way, what's your name?

Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as the Great Physician, or, just "I AM." Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy; but, the manufacturer (ME) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum Love efficiency.

 

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (1)

Recent Activity:

• New Members 2

Visit Your Group

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

.

__,_._,___

criminal mind of Indian grooms, their relatives and friends

 
Some think they should have wife as priced possession, like a trophy, like an item of Sajavat. They feel they own her. So they dominate her, curb her freedom, want her to not to meet her own parents and friends. They can get furious to any extent to harm her physically and mentally irreparably and finally she is not left with much choice but to committ suicide.
 
In the year 2011 ( sadly  called as modern 21 st century) women are subjected to harrassment, beating, her relatives insulted, husband and her family dictates her on every aspect what and when to do, wear, say , not say etc etc..
 
So every day we find housewifes are murdered, beaten, harrassed to the extent that they committ suicide etc..
 
We read news and keep forgetting abt it as we r not concerned till it happens to us. Sachin and Shahrukh keep us busy. Though there must have been some visionaries who must have ensured that govt. makes laws which can punish the culprits and create fear in the minds of criminals ( criminals = those who take law in hand = like wife beating , abusing her, causing mental torture, demanding dowery, abusing her parents, stopping her from seeing her parents and friends .
 
But I believe laws are insufficient and more stricter laws are required.
 
It should include all such friends and relatives who have been party to hiding such truth of person which can affect marital relationships which is abnormal physical, mental condition, bad habits, illcit relations etc.. 
 
I demand action against parents of suffering women also who send back their daughter to the house where there is a risk to her security. In below given case reported in Times of India on 26 th March 2011 the father of girl who committed suicide now says he was informed of such atrocities on his daughter. But then why did he send her to such unsafe place?? Fear of Social stigma?? Responsibility which he did not want to take up??
 
I think there should be legal action against father of irresponsible daughter also who sent back her to such man who would not even let her meet her own parnts what more proof of sick mind was required??
 
And if parents were not stopping her from going back, not giving her dignified place back at her own place  and in law specially husband was criminal minded then nothing much must have remained in her life to live on.
 
So I demand stern action against irresponsible parents too.
 
I also demand action against those friends and relatives who support thru their actions, words and deeds and support / boost moral of the miscreant man instead of warning him that never such thing should ever happen. I also demmand action against those relatives who  advise and cox a suffering girl to bear with atrocities instead of taking action against culprit.
 
In law not only committing crime but ignoring crime ( anumodana karna) be also made criminal offence.
 
Also Jain sadhus should stop talking about kanda lasan ( onion garlic) when a more sinister things like wife beating/ harrasing wife/ dowery/ making a marriage a place to rule on girl side and show them down ( in one marriage some brats even insulted small girls for hiding shoes of dulha as per light moment rivaj) some guys make even solumn ceremony of fere a thing to insult/ disobey pandit , some boy side demanded that parents of bride go and plead with folded hand before her parents in law when maariage is just solumnised that they please look after her. Are u giving your daughter to a sane family or to a group of kasai???
 
I request all Indians to stop this shameful practice and if you have to plead for her well being and safety then better not marry her in that family. Beacuse a slaughter house will remain a slaugher house even if you plead but a honourable house will remain so as they wont ever degrade them selves to such low of taking a bride home with band baja and then make her life miserable.
 
Hope sanity prevails , laws change, society changes, their priorty in teachings by muni maharaj change and friends and relatives of dulha / groom learn to respect the new realtionship taking place and become part of solumn process in dignified way and not leave scar in the minds of bride/ side forever.
 
Atleast I have never been party to such a crime , I shall never be. If my son or relative think that way then I will be first person to sever of realtion with them then tolerate crime against women. gather info about my past and keep eye on my acts in future.
 
And if at all there is a fault in bride/ girl / other side then first talikng to her , if fail then talking to her parents , then even her other close ones , taking help their help . even if that fails then taking help of counselors, relationship expert , finally legally giving up her is the recourse available to all  then why should one take law in hand, dominate her, insult her, torture her so that she has to committ suicide?? Go in depression?? Some time retaliate?? etc etc..
 
But read carefully everyday there r several news of killing, burning, torturing,suicide of married women.
 
Alok Tholiya
 
( if u do not like this mail then pl. write to me on your objections)..

 

MSC STUDENTS SUICIDE Engineer denies marital discord TIMES NEWS NETWORK Mumbai: An engineer from Andheri,arrested for abetting his wifes suicide,told police officials on Friday that there were no problems in their marriage.Liyakat Sayyed (32),the accused,was employed with a private firm in Chakala while his wife,Kadambari Bhosale,was doing her MSc. Kadambari hanged herself from a ceiling fan while she was alone at their rented flat in Takshila society on Wednesday evening. Liyakat claims that he and his wife were happy together and they had no marital discord.His parents too had no problems with the inter-religious wedding, a police official said.Kadambaris family,though,was opposed to the match. Kadambaris father,Dilip,a developer from Pune,has filed a police complaint against Liyakat.He said that Liyakat was torturing his daughter physically and mentally. Kadambari had told us about the ordeal,when she visited Pune six months ago for her brothers wedding.She also complained to us over the telephone that her husband would not let her to meet us and would dominate at home, Dilip said in his statement. He claimed his daughters body after an autopsy was conducted. A local court remanded Liyakat to police custody till March 28.

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.), M:9324225699 :
Tholiya Bhavan,
10th Road , Santacruz east, Mumbai 400055
 
"TAKE ONLY WHAT YOU CAN CONSUME, MONEY IS YOURS BUT RESOURCES BELONG TO THE SOCIETY. THERE ARE MANY OTHERS IN THE WORLD WHO ARE FACING SHORTAGE OF RESOURCES. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WASTE RESOURCES.´"


ONLY AUTHENTIC FREE MATRIMONIALS WEBSITE FOR DIGAMBAR JAINS: www.digambarjains.com/

For Issues of women in distress: http://womendignity.blogspot.com/

For Issues of Sr. citizens : http://varishthanagrik.blogspot.com/
Issues of Public interests : http://aloktholiya.blogspot.com/

http://tenantsoftholiyabhavn.blogspot.com/
For education funds : http://ngoandsociety.spaces.live.com/default.aspx

Also subscribe to my very popular yahoo group for mails on ahead of time views: Send blank mail to: menow-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

 precious collections: http://beautifulwe.blogspot.com/

GIVE HER RESPECT: Treat a woman like an individual and respect her for the person she is

http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Search&Source=Find&Key=TOIM/2011/03/24/40/Ar04000%2Exml&CollName=TOI_MUMBAI_DAILY_2009&DOCID=457220&Keyword=%28%3Cmany%3E%3Cstem%3Ewomen%29&skin=TOINEW&AppName=1&PageLabel=40 &ViewMode=HTML


 
Alok adds: The statistics say there r only 900 girl child born against 1000 male child. So the available marriageable age girls are in shortage then available male. And we know for sure whatever is in shortage has high price tag.
 
Also if opportunity is given then female student get better scores in education.
 
They definitely look better then male.
 
In many jobs like call center, malls, reception, hospitality, hospitals, dentistery, phisiotherepy, dietition  etc etc only female are prefferred but many predominant male areas like cabbi, flying  etc etc women are able to replace male.
 
Statsitics say lone men finds it difficult to live specially when sick or old without wife/ mother.where as a widowed women can go on.  
 
So how then things are going against women?? It is our dirty Indian psyche. Bias against women.And most time the women herself are against other women. i will narrate live cases in some other mail.
 
So make women come out of slave menatality. Make them independant, bold, graceful but dignified. No male should ever take a female for a ride and think they are masters and she is subordinate, she is kamwali. In no marriage women and her side has to bow down. If they are enetering a relationship then it is a eqaul partnership or the contract should be broken and with pride. Remarriage, single lady, etc should become a pride position if a woman is illtreated, insulted, beaten,cheated etc..  No partnership can work if any one partner is arrogant, cheater, crimnal, bias, atrocious,irresponsible. It has to be a joint venture or it must break... sooner the better.
 
So there is no reason for any female to committ suicide or get depressed. They will be still sought after, get good jobs, can sustain with pride. No one can give you pride and dignity in plate you have to earn and if need be demand. Women of India rise:

EXPERT ADVICE

It's time to get over despair

Women who devalue themselves stuggle to follow the norms of the society

Varkha Chulani

Iwonder how many people would have squirmed reading the news of Nidhi Gupta, a Chartered Accountant by profession, comitting suicide after pushing her two children, Gaurav and Mahika, over the terrace
The very act of taking her children down with her made me realise that this was not only an act where the person believed that life had no future for her, but where she also believed that it would hold no good for her kids. That if she only ended her life it wouldn't be good enough because she assumed that misery and doom for her kids was inevitable. The hopelessness was not only personally experienced; she was equally despairing about the fate of her kids and their future. When a person sees no hope, however transient and momentary that thought is, and when he believes that there are no prospects or potential in times to come, in an impulsive unthinking panic driven moment he does what he does. I think this is exactly what happened to Nidhi.
The question that emerges then is, why do we wait so long and allow ourselves to get into conditions where the only way to end misery is to end life? Many would argue and suggest, what else can women in our country do? Their parents don't want them back, they are economically dependent on their husband or on members of their wedded family, social stigma about separation and divorce still prevail, children come into the equation so how can a mother think of her happiness and needs, since the woman gets her identity and security from her husband what would she be without him, and so on and so forth. Conditioning others would argue. She is taught from birth that she is first a daughter, a sister, a cousin, and a niece. She then 'evolves' into a wife, a daughter-in-law, a sisterin-law, a mother. Nowhere does anyone tell her, that before all of the above, she is a person. An individual. An entity whose personage comes from nothing else other than herself. But she never hears that or if for a fleeting moment begins to think it and somewhere by mistake voices it, she is reminded of her standing. She 'learns' as a way of life, that she is of little significance. She carries these learning's into marriage and 'dumbs down' to get along. Her uniqueness is eroded. She begins to 'fit'. Her personality, her distinctiveness is submerged to give way to the 'new' persona she takes on. After all she is the one who has to make the adjustments and adapt. Isn't that what good girls from good families with good upbringing do? She is constantly reminded that if she steps out of line, her value systems are flawed and that her parents didn't 'educate' her. Education for most is the ability to go with the flow, to not step out of line. Our cultural systems propagate that. Never mind that the same culture propagates sati, the caste system, giving of dowry and that a man's word holds more importance than a woman's. With these 'cultural values' at the back of her mind she sets out to live her life. Or in Nidhi's case, to take it!
Nidhi did what she did because she devalued herself and with that her ability to create a better life for herself and her children. Kowtowing before her 'new', 'well-meaning' family – some of whom she would never associate with or befriend had she not been 'married' to them but had to put up with only due to 'law' – the erosion of her 'self ' would have begun pretty much early on. Sure, not all women undergo the same plight, but this is not about the minority who don't but about a majority who bear silently and swallow uncomplainingly not only 'well-intentioned' unasked for advice but well–intentioned taunts and barbs. The good intention being since we are the boys' side we own you, 'we know better' and 'we'll show you how'. You, the girl, sits back and re-learn what 'good' living is about!
It is not about propagating the feminist movement or about equality for the sexes or about bra-burning freedom, it is about the mental health or the unfortunate lack of it among many a woman of today. Insecurity about self, feeling inadequate and always having to perform to prove that she is able, is driving the Indian woman around the bend. Top that with insensitive, uncaring, un-thoughtful family and you have a recipe for disaster. So she either purges herself by fitting into model like definitions of how she should look, cut herself up when she doesn't get that promotion or she finds her worth by living through her children and bemoans the fact when they leave her nest. Worse still, she kills herself when she believes that no solutions exist. Save yourselves and don't be the next Nidhi! The writer is a clinical psychologist and counselor

GIVE HER RESPECT: Treat a woman like an individual and respect her for the person she is

Sex once in a blue moon can trigger heart attack

 
alok adds: If u have not done of late several floors climbing, hiking, mounteneering,swimming in cold season  or other similar exercises including sex then do not indulge in it suddenly. First few days u slowly prepare ur self and then indulge. Or u may develop complications up to cramps, back ache, to heart attack.  
 
Restart mrom mild to slowly heavier yoga, flexibility exercises, walk , weight lifting , other exercises and then only indulge in any above streneous activity. read on :
 
 
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/science/Sex-once-in-a-blue-moon-can-trigger-heart-attack/articleshow/7777810.cms?intenttarget=no

LONDON: A romantic weekend away is often just the thing to revive a flagging relationship. But, beware – it could actually kill you, researchers now say.

A new study, by Tufts and Harvard universities, has found that having sex occasionally puts one at more than twice the risk of suffering a heart attack – in fact, the risk is significantly higher for those unused to exerting themselves on a regular basis, the Daily Telegraph reported on Wednesday.


For their study, the researchers reviewed the results of a number of previous researches. They discovered that "episodic activity" was associated with more than a two and a half times increased risk of heart attack and sudden cardiac death (SCD).


However, regularly indulging in exercise, including sex, offset the increased risk by almost half for each additional time per week it's carried out, according to the researchers. "Regular physical activity has been identified as strongly associated with a decreased risk of cardiovascular disease and related mortality," the researchers wrote
in the the JAMA journal. "Despite the well-established benefits of regular physical activity, anecdotal evidence has suggested that physical activity, as well as other acute exposures, such as sexual activity and psychological stress, can act as triggers of acute cardiac events," they added.


In fact, for their study, the researchers looked at more than 14 researches looking at what caused heart attacks and found that a small but significant number happened during physical and sexual activity.


They found all kinds of physical activity accounted for three and a half times increased risk and sex 2.7 times. The researchers said that most importantly, the risks could be modified by "habitual physical activity" and that those who indulged regularly were much less likely to have a heart attack triggered by sex.

Jessica Paulus, who worked on the study, said the risk is fairly high as such studies go. But the period of increased risk is brief. "These elevated risks are only for a short duration of time (1 to 2 hours) during and after the physical or sexual activity," she said.

Times of India page 17 March 13th 2011

SHORT CUTS

2 million men in UK have low testosterone levels
Anew research has found that around two million men in Britain are suffering from low testosterone levels. The condition is associated with a range of symptoms, including reduced sex drive, impotence, loss of energy, depression, weight gain, memory loss, irritability and night sweats. It was previously thought that only two per cent of men over 50 were affected. But new research shows 20% of the 10 million men in the UK over 50 are likely to have Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome, according to Dr Malcolm Carruthers, medical director of the Centre For Men's Health in London's Harley Street.

 

Cheer up lest you get kidney failure:
Depression, already implicated in cardiac disease, is also a factor in the increased risk of developing kidney failure. Willem Kop, neuropsychologist at the University of Tilburg, the Netherlands, and colleagues studied 5,785 people from four counties across the US for 10 years. They found that depression coincided with the presence of chronic kidney disease and was 20% more common in individuals with kidney disease.

 
 

Crave drugs? Then hit the treadmill: A few sessions on the treadmill can curb the craving for drugs like marijuana, says a new study. In a research by Vanderbilt University Medical Centre in the US, 'cannabisdependent' people were selected for the study. They were made to exercise on a treadmill for 10 half-hour sessions over a two-week period. It was found that this curbed their craving for and use of cannabis by more than 50%.

Let us act as matured family man and ensure that women in our families dont get anxiety disorder ....Alok

Women are twice as likely to have an anxiety disorder as men. Find out why and get more facts:

Facts ..

From the time a girl reaches puberty until about the age of 50, she is twice as likely to have an anxiety disorder as a man. Anxiety disorders also occur earlier in women than in men.

Women are also more likely to have multiple psychiatric disorders during their lifetime than men. The most common to co-occur with anxiety is depression.

Differences in brain chemistry may account for at least part of these differences. The brain system involved in the fight-or-flight response is activated more readily in women and stays activated longer than men, partly as a result of the action of estrogen and progesterone.

The neurotransmitter serotonin may also play a role in responsiveness to stress and anxiety. Some evidence suggests that the female brain does not process serotonin as quickly as the male brain. Recent research has found that women are more sensitive to low levels of corticotropin-releasing factor (CRF), a hormone that organizes stress responses in mammals, making them twice as vulnerable as men to stress-related disorders.

Low serotonin and Depression

Low serotonin levels are believed to be the cause of many cases of mild to severe depression which can lead to symptoms such as anxiety, apathy, fear, feelings of worthlessness, insomnia and fatigue. The most concrete evidence for the connection between serotonin and depression is the decreased concentrations of serotonin metabolites in the cerebrospinal fluid and brain tissues of depressed people.

If depression arises as a result of a serotonin deficiency then pharmaceutical agents that increase the amount of serotonin in the brain should be helpful in treating depressed patients. Anti-depressant medications increase serotonin levels at the synapse by blocking the reuptake of serotonin into the presynaptic cell. Anti-depressants are one of the most highly prescribed medications despite the serious side-effects they can cause.

If depression is mild enough it can sometimes be managed without prescribed medications. The most effective way of raising serotonin levels is with vigorous exercise. Studies have shown that serotonin levels are increased with increased activity and the production of serotonin is increased for some days after the activity. This is the safest way of increasing serotonin levels and many other benefits result from regular exercise.

Serotonin levels can also be controlled through the diet. A diet deficient in omega-3 fatty acids may lower brain levels of serotonin and cause depression. Complex carbohydrates raise the level of tryptophan in the brain resulting in a calming effect. Vitamin C is also required for the conversion of tryptophan into serotonin.

Alok adds : If person goes in depression then lot damaging things can happen from affecting a career, relationship.loss of libido and performance,anxities, mismanged anger etc etc.

So go ahead and give and share love, affection,dance, do yoga,aerobics, garba dandiya,outings ( not in a car) like hiking, yatra, outdoor sports etc etc. can help you improve serotonin and thereby keep depression/ anxiety away.

And finally help of genuine spirital gurus like Osho, mental health proffessional,counsellors etc is vital and should be willingly approached or else situation becomes further difficult.

Finally never hesitate in aproaching psychiatrist and take medicine as advised and Lo your life is back on happy tracks.

 

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O) M:9324225699
Tholiya Bhavan,10th Floor,
Santacruz East,Mumbai400055

We offer free ( against deposit) wheel chair,patients Fowler bed,tripods, sticks,walker etc..

www.digambarjains.com
www.aloktholiya.blogspot.com

Marigold developers: for home loans and best properties
marigold Mini Party hall at santacruz

is there a voilence against women next door .....bell bajao........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t3BPv8tBP4
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9dKXXriVmo&feature=relmfu
 
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mn58nsxxuY&feature=related
 
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsFha77l3RY&feature=related
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yBSeshQmSY&feature=relmfu
 

Fw: (UN)HAPPILY MARRIED... from TOI today

 

(UN)HAPPILY MARRIED...

Is your marriage on the rocks? Take this quiz to find out...
1. Do you keep cribbing over anything and everything, be it about the menu for dinner or why he doesn't like your first cousin?
A. No B. Yes
2. How often do you argue?
A. Sometimes B. Every minute the clock ticks.
3. When he hurts himself physically, what thought occurs on your mind?
A. Oh my God, hope he'll be okay soon. B. Gosh! Why didn't he die instead of just hurting himself.
4. When you make love, you are actually...
A. Just concentrating on how much you love this man. B. Can't stop thinking of Brad Pitt or the hot neighbour-next-door.
5. Has the thought of divorce ever crossed your mind?
A. Yes, very very rarely though. B. Yes. I wish I could divorce him, because I know I'll get someone way better.
ANSWER: Most A's:
Having fights in a relationship is quite normal, especially in a marriage. Touch wood! Even with those mini fights, your marriage is safe. But still, communicate things to your partner and make him feel special once a while. Keep reigniting the spark in your relationship so you don't mar it. We pray and hope you stay a happy couple for life.
Most B's:
Your marriage is certainly on the rocks and it probably is keeping you both unhappy. You don't seem to like him at all and it is high time you figure it out yourself first. God knows what's the reason for the difference between the two of you but we recommend you sort it out. Go to a marriage counsellor (asap) for you need to at least try mending it before it's too late and there'll be no option but to part ways.
Compiled by Simi Kuriakose

PASS THE BISCUITS

Subject: PASS THE BISCUITS When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.  And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.  On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.  I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!  Yet all my dad did was reach for his Biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.  And I'll never forget what he said:  "Honey, I love burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.  He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired.  And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!" You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people.  I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.  What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine!  And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did! Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE!

letter meant for inlaws of daughter but can not dare to send to them. This is condition in India

Child behaviour: ( and children are compared to god and if some one has heart like that even at the age of 27 then what is wrong) May be she is 27, she is doc,she is from Mumbai but she is new in her relationship and craving for faithfulness,love, care, dignity..but for some this is silliness, over expectation and because their own son is involved his all repeated acts of cheating and voilence are ignored and he is shown love and and on his narrating of his stories tears flows but on a girl who is suffering , cheated, slighted, beaten repeatedly is advised, expected to rise such issues and told to save marriage, told to trust ???????????????

 

My child is hungry of love,respect,dignity,appreciation and recognition.Pl. listen to words she has been using. demands/requests she has been making. If person who can make big blunder is allowed to go scot free and loved then she who has been grossly wronged expects better reognition and better respect. As time passes she too will grow up.

Since one person has exhausted his feelings of love, intimacy etc he does not find anything wrong in not listning to her, not bearaing her tantrums and so on but she being her first love, companion ship , relationship wants more understanding, care, bearing, chit chat and what is wrong in that. And if she feels agitated on issues ( due to having expirienced cheating even after written committment she is under constant fear of thrown out, sidelined,ditched,beaten up, neglected etc) which she fears and gets angry then instead of reassurance, calmness, transparacy,coming clean she gets further ill treatment??? And we expect her to not to loose temper, remain unirritable ( inspite of living under constant fear of getting dumped) and take it as provocation and as also faulty / having tantrums. What standard?? What humanity?? What modern living?? What reaction?? Whose whole dreams of love in marriage is shattered and we expect her to be calmer then this?? And gets beaten up brutaly??

Read this carefully: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis

 

Dear All,

 

My daughter who is doctor and good looking and every other thing which one would look for in a partner. But her husband who too is a MNC manager beats her up regularly when angry. He has his own past ( relationship with a divorced collegue etc ) and family forced him to leave her ( which we have come to know now). Can he improve? My daugher is in shattered state.She wakes up in the night crying/ shouting out of fear save me etc..
Pl. advise?

must read

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/index.html

Love, happiness are all with in ........

Alok adds: we look at others, things,situations to give us happiness. Compare If people having those things are happy???No.

Find whether everyone has got everything no. Most have something or other missing from: health, wealth, children,spouse,job,security etc etc.

And even they have wealth/ children / spouse/job but those may be themselves be a reason for dissatisfaction / problems. What we do is we see different orchards,farms and gardens dream that all those things should grow in your one farm (life). Highly impossible.It is rightly said "adhi chod sari ko dhave adhi mile na sari pave".

The Sheikh chilli kicks his good fate in bad only by going in high dreams. Lets all stop dreaming and increse adaptability,adjustment and understanding of life,people and situations. Only source is good spiritual guru, good discourses like of Osho, Zen, Kabir, Jain muins or mental health expersts.

When one cant learn A B C without a guru then how can one learn life sciences / art of living without a guru????

 

I have seen many living happily and successful and without spiritualism. But suddenly something happens in life and they loose total happiness, go on depression,commit suicide, take law in hand etc etc. But the person already seasoned with tapa,yam, niyam etc knows such things will keep happening in life , in someone life it is early and others life it is in later part but no one has lived a friction free life. If your system is properly oiled u carry on and if not then u break down.Worst is it is nature of human beings to drift. So u need constant work up with good lessons/ pravachan/ knowledge/ exposure.

Note:

1. Person with deep rooted spiritualism may also get off road some times if faced with very severe shock but will get back on track sooner then those who are not spiritually loaded.

2. Spiritualism should not be confused with ritualism, show off, religious festivities,puja path,mere mechanical darshan.

 

The biggest learning from good teachings is compassion. If you have that then you can not hurt anyone thru words, deeds or actions. Read on..

 

 

I AM HAPPY...............

The Secret One day, one friend asked another, ' How is it that you are always so happy? You have so much energy, And you never seem to get down.. ' With her eyes smiling, she said, ' I know the Secret! ' ' What secret is that? ' To which she replied, I'll tell you all about it, But you have to promise to Share the Secret with others. ' ' The Secret is this: I have learned there is little I can do In my life that will make me truly happy I must depend on God to make Me happy and to meet my needs. When a need arises in my life, I have to trust God to supply According to HIS riches. I have learned most of the time I don ' t need half of what I think I do. He has never let me down. Since I learned that ' Secret ' , I am happy.' The questioner ' s first thought was, ' That ' s too simple! ' But upon reflecting over her own life She recalled how she thought a bigger house Would make her happy, but it didn't! She thought a better paying job Would make her happy, but it hadn't. When did she realize her greatest happiness? Sitting on the floor with her family, talking, playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, A simple gift from God. Now you know it too! We can't depend on people to make us happy. Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that. Trust HIM! And now I pass the Secret on to you! So once you get it, what will you do? YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too! That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU! But it ' s not really a secret... We just have to believe it and do it.. Really trust God!

Fw: [menow] How can you change another person?

 

---

To: menow@yahoogroups.com
From: thankamani52@hotmail.com
Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2011 11:50:22 +0530
Subject: RE: [menow] How can you change another person?

 

SIR, YOUR POINT IS VERY VALID IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO CHANGE A PERSON THIS IS NOT LIKELY TO HAPPEN AS EVERYONE EXPECTS HIM OR HER TO CHANGE THE WAY THEY WANT SO I WOULD SUGGEST
1 IF YOU FEEL ANY PERSON  NEEDS TO CHANGE , FIRST CHECK UP WHETHER YOU NEED TO AND CAN CHANGE YOURSELF AT LEAST IN YOUR PERCEPTION, ATTITUDE AND APPROACH\
2 ACCEPT  OTHERS, AS THEY ARE AND BE CALM AND COOL AND UNDISTURBED AND CENTERED THIS ACCEPTANCE FIRST IS REQUIRED, PRACTICALLY , EVEN IF YOU WANT TO TRY OUT THE WAYS YOU ENUMERATED SAVE YOUR MIND FIRST
REGARDS AND THANKS
 

---

To: santacruzcivicforum@yahogroups.com; tholiya@yahoogroups.com; menow@yahoogroups.com; resortstimemeshare-india@yahoogroups.com; jainmatrimonials@yahoogroups.com
From: tholiya@hotmail.com
Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2011 04:01:00 +0530
Subject: [menow] How can you change another person?

 

 
 
 
 
 
 


http://emotionalcompetency.blogspot.com/2007/09/how-can-you-change-another-person.html
 
How can you change another person?
Q: How can you change another person?
A: You cannot change another person, however there are things you can do to assist someone who has asked you to help them change. The techniques of motivational interviewing can help someone resolve their ambivalence, uncertainty, and indecision about change, set a new and clear direction, increase their commitment to change, help them plan the steps they need to take, and give them confidence to make the changes they have decided on. The book Motivational Interviewing, by William Miller and Stephen Rollnick describes the technique in detail.

If someone has decided to make a change in their life, they may invite or request your assistance. Certainly you can help them. Before acting to help another person change it is important to preserve their autonomy, help them act consistently with their values, and overcome their inevitable urges to indulge impulses. Consider the example of a friend who asks you to help them stop smoking. Begin by agreeing on your role—what it is they want you to do and don't want you to do. Who announces their plan for quitting smoking? If you see them smoking, or smell smoke, or see cigarettes or ashes around their house, what do they want you do? If they beg you to "let them have just one cigarette today and that will be all for the week" how should you respond? Understand and do what they actually want, not what you think they want or what you want for them. You can always encourage them to change for the better, but avoid nagging, coercing, patronizing, indulging, enabling, extorting, or coercing them.

Keep in mind that pleasing someone may not be helping them. You can please someone by assisting them in satisfying an impulse. But you may be indulging them rather than helping them. To help someone you have to assist them in acting consistently with their values. That may be much more difficult. This is the distinction between short-term pleasure and long-term gratification. Understand this distinction, and how the person you are offering to help wants you to do handle this inevitable conflict.

You can provide incentives to help someone make a positive change in their lives. For example, parents may offer money to a student for getting good grades. But in planning this approach it is important to understand the distinction between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. Use the money briefly only to focus on a goal of helping the student discover effective study habits and the intrinsic joys of learning, discovering, and achieving. These can provide life-long benefits. If instead the transaction degenerates into the narrow deal "no money, no work" then when the money stops, the studying stops, and the student has learned only greed, instrumental behavior, and dependency. The play stops when the pay stops.

Influence causes change. People are remarkably susceptible to influence. We buy the latest fashions, prefer Pepsi over Coke, listen to the music that is most cleverly promoted, submit to many forms of peer pressure, and go along with the crowd, even if that requires becoming the rebel. Influence—achieving belief—is a powerful approach to changing what people believe, think, and do. It is effective, nearly invisible, and ubiquitous. Some influences, for example choosing an excellent role model, are constructive. Many influences, such as the ones that cause you to start smoking because you think it will make you cool, are destructive. Pay attention to the influences in your life, and make decisions based on your own well thought-out core values, not on today's fads.

You can describe how you would like the person to change, why you believe it would be beneficial, and ask them to change. Engage them in a dialogue about the benefits of the change. Perhaps they will agree with your thinking and grant your request.

How you treat another person certainly affects how they behave, and how they treat you. When you treat someone respectfully as an intelligent peer, they are likely to respond similarly to you. If you treat them disrespectfully, they are likely to retaliate in some way. Both parties participate in each relationship. Perhaps the best way to get someone to change is to change how you treat them.

Coercion changes immediate behavior but often at the cost of long term resentment and anxiety. It causes people to act out of fear, or to select from a smaller set of alternatives. Coercive threats, ranging from "share your candy with me or I won't be your best friend" to "Give me your money or I'll shoot" are fast acting and long lasting. But they still depend on the free will of the victim. Gandhi said "You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind." People resent coercion, the vindictive passions run strong, they rarely ever forget, and they are passionate about revenge and retaliation. Coercion relies on fear and unleashes anger, hatred, and the destructive cycle of revenge. It is a short sighted expediency with long-term costs.

Because you cannot change another person, you may decide that the best way to move forward with your life is to disengage from theirs. If they don't understand their freedom ends where yours begins then it may be best to keep them at a distance. They have no right to trespass on your privacy, time, space, or attention. The intent in disengaging is to protect yourself so you can move forward with your life. It is not to punish them, teach them a lesson, or to ensure they get what they deserve. It may be helpful to discuss with them your reasons for the separation.

It is always helpful to keep in mind what you can change and what you cannot. It helps to attain the wisdom to know the difference. Certainly you cannot change the past, human nature, personality, or the laws of mathematics and physics. You can only change another person if they truly want to change and have requested your help in making the change.

 

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (2)

Recent Activity:

Visit Your Group

MARKETPLACE

Find useful articles and helpful tips on living with Fibromyalgia. Visit the Fibromyalgia Zone today!

---

Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now.

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

.

__,_._,___