Alok's advise to person seeking divorce....

http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/details.asp?mod_id=49025&offset=1

Dear All,

                   I got married in the year 2008. My wife was working in abroad before we got married. She took a 2 year break from her job.

A bit of history before the current status.

My wife and I had decided that I would try to join her abroad on the condition that I get a good enough job there which would be equal to the kind I do here in terms of function and remuneration.

After marriage, my wife who was born and brought up in India and had been working abroad for 4 years found the going tough in my house in an A class metro. She found fault with a lot of stuff and we ended up arguing for everything.

I bought a house after we got married which involved me going for a loan. ofcourse this mean that we could not move into the new house rightaway since the house had to be done up in terms of Painting, furnishing, electrical work etc, but I was saving up for this every month, and I could not move to another place in the same city on rent since it would entail me to pay rent and moving into my new house will have to be put off till much later. So I asked her to have patience. This led to a lot of fights and name calling, her talking to people among her family and friends. I could not get a job which would let me move abroad to her working country with confidence, finaly 2 years later she moved back to her old job, much against my wishes, since I was trying for a job in different city. In the mean time I found a new job in a different city (A class Metro). We have not been in touch apart from the occassional ISD phone call. Now she is back to India and living in her mothers house. We have not yet met but have spoken a couple of times on the phone in an attempt to reconcile, but all efforts seem to be going nowhere. I have many times broached the subject of ending the marriage but it seems to have any effect on her.

I am my wifes second husband, she was married once before. Ours was an arranged marriage, I knew she was divorced however I thought that it was something that could go wrong with anyone, so it is not that I was tricked. My family was pretty broadminded to happily agree to a girl who was divorced and whose mother was divorced too, we thought that both the women did not find the right man.

Now she insists on not ending this marriage and shows no inclination to continuing together, everytime we talk, we keep going round in circles, she creates the impression that it is I who wants this marriage to end and she is trying everything in her power to keep this going, but everytime she says that this marriage will work only if her needs are met, which I am skeptical about since I know what her demands are, and she has little or no patience to wait for things to be done.

Now, unknown to me she has joined a masters course in her workplace abroad where she will be returning in about a months time.

Considering that we have been away for more than a year now and will be away for another year in the future and that it is close to three years since we are married of which I have spent 1 year separated from her, since he moved out (She gives various reasons)

BTW, No dowry or anything was taken during the marriage. I have been insisting that she collect all her jewellery from my house as it becomes risky as I have to take of her belongings which is an additional responsibility.

Anyway, at the end of all this, could you please advise me if it will be possible for me to get a divorce citing that she has ben away for 1 year now. She has a well paying job abroad which she has been doing before she was married. Do I have to pay her alimony?

Can you please advise on the possibility of this and the steps to be taken and the process involved.

Thanks

K

========================================================================

1. My reply is based on premise that u r telling the truth.
2. If u do not want to save ur marriage then I hv nothinh to say but if u want to improve then...
3. Marriage is a life time event and law is for those who really need it. Since there is a law u should not make use of it unless u find no hope / grater risk in not using the law. 
4. Be away for topic of ur wife for a month. Then analyse is she really bad. Is there no hope?
5. If after a month u feel u want to continue then : 
6. Take help of a good marriage counselor with a request to help save ur marrieg.Pl. note two erring parteners can only further spoil things by arguments. In such a situation never attempt urself or thru some unskilled person and specially biased person. Reconcilliation is possible only / blessings). when proffessional person with holyistic heart works on it . ( Let me know if u need such aperson). ( It is imp to tell here that I do not charge / take cut for my all these work and just need dua 
7. Do not aggravate situation from ur side. 
8. Be nice and courteous to all specially in laws. 
9. Do not paint bad picture of ur spouse so ohers put fuel to fire and further spoil the already damaged relations.
10. Do not object to her studies. Pl. note for some it is a passion which is more imp. then anything else in life but that will be over in time to come.
11. Keep communication open.
12. If god will's then in a yr or two she will change. And there after she too will value relationship and institution of marriage. 

If not then same forum and same options r open.

HOW FRIENDSHIP BREAKS ?

 HOW FRIENDSHIP BREAKS ?

Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy 

and Will Not Contact Thinking

It May Be Disturbing.

As Time Passes

Both Will Think Let The OTher Contact

After That each Will Think

Why I Should Contact First ?

Here Your friendship

Will Be Converted To Hate.

Finally Without Contact

The Memory Becomes Weak

They Forget Each Other.

So Keep In Touch With All

And Pass This TO All Your Friends...

I Don`t Want To be One Of This Kind.

So Here I Am sending Mail

To Say

Please keep in touch.

Foods that boost male fertility

Almost 40% of the current male population is reported to suffer from problems relating to infertility.

This has been credited to the lifestyle that men nowadays lead accompanied by a not so healthy dose of fertility busting foods like junk food, caffeinated drinks and alcohol. Instead of indulging in such harmful foods here are foods that will increase your odds of becoming a parent.

Also read :

• Top 5 aphrodisiacs
• Top 10 sex myths
• 7 global sex facts

Pumpkin Seeds

Pumpkin seeds contain a good dose of zinc which is said to increase the sperm count. They also contain essential fatty acids like Omega-3 which enhance the blood flow to sexual organs. Other good sources of Omega-3 acids are almonds, sardines, salmon and flaxseed.

Pomegranate

Pomegranate contains a huge amount of antioxidants which help prevent damage against sperms that leads them to becoming sluggish and losing the ability to fertilize an egg. Drinking pomegranate juicealso increases the sperm count as well as fight against erectile dysfunction.

Oysters

Oysters are well-known as aphrodisiacs which are famous for boosting one's sexual drive. Likepumpkin seeds, oysters are also rich in zinc. Consuming a mere 15mg of oysters a day, reportedly helps you to repair the sperm damage caused by environmental and chemical factors.

Asparagus

Asparagus is one food that has been celebrated since the medieval ages for its ability to rev up the sexual drive in both men and women. In fact, asparagus was used by people of medieval ages to treat infertility. It contains Vitamin C which aids in raising your testosterone and sperm count.

Other Fruits and Vegetables

There are many other fruits and vegetables that can increase you chances of preventing fertility. An apple a day is said to keep the sperm count increasing. Another fruit banana is known as a "sexual super food" since it is a rich source of protein, magnesium, Vitamin A, B1 and C. Tomatoes are said to contain an antioxidant called carotenoid lycopene which helps in increasing the sperm count since men struggling with infertility generally have low lycopene levels in the body. (Health, MensXP.com)

Drop in testosterone can affect sexual desire in men and women

Drop in testosterone can affect sexual desire in men and women

Feel free to use delete button and relax .........or read this personal mail of mine..but always feel empowered

We and the people we deal with have developed their personality unknowingly suiting to needs, circumstances, forces of community, samaj, family, neighborhood, places we frequent like college, office, other groups etc etc.. But one day if we find that our life is becoming a burden on self / others, if it is giving more miseries to us and our fellows then it is time to have a relook. Time to change path. Time to say good bye to our such behavior which gives rise to sorrowful situation, change people who make ur life sorrowful or change environmnet u live in which disturbs ur life. Attending following series may help many but many others will keep suffering as they choose to not to change. Abt my mail which r not addressed to any one or group and are for general info. : It has become necessary to clarify that I have come much above my own world and my own people so my most mail are not meant for any individual / group or people I know. My general mails go to up to 50K recipients. Most do not react. Some send praises but many other send brickbats too. All r welcome. As said I have come above all that situations.I am unable to think narrowly for the benefit of my own alone so messages which r good for my people are good for others too so I circulate them to my capacity. But it is right of all to not be bothered by unnecessary mails but be it noise pollution, traffic,marketing calls sms or email and many other things in life are hardly in our hands. Do not crib on such things. At least in my case just write back to me in words (appropriate to ur personality) if u don't want my mails. But if I were u I wud just delete or give command that such mail goes in junk or if I am a busy person then make a folder "read when free" and programme that such mails go to that folder. Many may choose to fwd mails. Their wish. Also note that on advise of by many others I have started using BCC for individual recipients as same id's were picked up by others and misused ( may be that is how I have some of ur ids). So pl. do not think there is some crooked reason in using BCC. There r some balanced person who have criticized my particular mails but being balanced ( rational) they have also endorsed my views on other issues / praised my some other mail. And life is like that. Jainism's first big lesson is Ahinsa, truthfulness and second big lesson is Anekantwad. I never feel that others must like my view point but if they choose to debate then they must be sporting enough to read my counter reply. god save me from those who feel my mails are for them alone and that instead of writing back to me their dislike/ issues which I alone can clarify they go and discuss about my mails with others and get further frustrated. For them my advise is "Feel free to use delete button and relax and feel empowered. I do that to my 85% of mails in my inbox and it takes seconds or write back to the sender". ......Alok AND THOSE WHO WANT TO READ MORE FROM ME ; ONLY AUTHENTIC FREE MATRIMONIALS WEBSITE FOR DIGAMBAR JAINS: www.digambarjains.com/ For Issues of women in distress: http://womendignity.blogspot.com/ For Issues of Sr. citizens : http://varishthanagrik.blogspot.com/ Issues of Public interests : http://aloktholiya.blogspot.com/ http://tenantsoftholiyabhavn.blogspot.com/ For education funds : http://ngoandsociety.spaces.live.com/default.aspx Also subscribe to my very popular yahoo group for mails on ahead of time views: Send blank mail to: menow-subscribe@yahoogroups.com precious collections: http://beautifulwe.blogspot.com/

My reply to a counselor trying to help a spoilt child...

• [member_cai] (unknown)‏

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03:34AM

Reply  ▼

 Alok Tholia

To Yahoogroup CAI

I am shocked to read that parents have tried shouting and bashing up. What a way???? I can only condemn that and feel sorry abt children. 

Parents have not been friends, well connected , not given enough time and thus children are now with peers and r under peer pressure and friends influence. 

Slowly and systematically parents have to befriend own and then other children. And also try simultaneously how to change the environment / cut off from these friends without making it look obvious / offending them.

One of my neighbor who was busy earning and was leaving child at home after  long found her to be in same spot as narrated by you, She made a good ground and shifted to Delhi and started living amongst her good relatives and bought a small shop for this boy and now he is doing a very good business. 

Be friending a child = bring good books, cd's, take them to picnics, movies of good types, pravachan/ spiritual discourses, buy a hobby materials, offer them various choices of courses form dance, music, personality development etc  but ensure there is a right type of crowd where u r sending ur child. There r some educational institutes which r infested with drug peddlers, flocked by who's who 's children who do lots of show off and expenses on friends but make spoil them too. So one has to be alert where they r sending child. etc etc...
Thanks and Regards, 
Alok Tholiya 

---

To: member_cai@yahoogroups.com
From: pallavibhurkay
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 10:05:08 +0530
Subject: [member_cai] (unknown)

 

Dear friends,

I have been seeing a (girl) client who is 14 yrs old, studying in class 10. she is very defiant, steals from home, runs away if punished or shouted at, is not open to counseling. her parents have tried talking to her patiently, punished her, even hit her, nothing helps... her parents say that she was stubborn as a child but was manageable now she has friends who are all like her and these children support each other to gang up against their parents. they encourage their friends to not listen to their parents and help them run away from home if reprimanded. All these kids come from a middle class family with loving and caring parents. I met met 3 of the parents and they all seem to have given up the children threaten suicide if they are tried to disciplined. they steal money, gamble, go to hookah parlours and are addicted to BBM which they say was gifted to them by some friends. when parents tried to question them they run away from home...

The parents seem helpless and want to see their children being responsible and gud citizens. 

I feel stuck too and would appreciate your help in this matter.

Warmly

pallavi

Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurti is India's one of the best doctor in the field of Andrology‏

We in India do not have much knowledge abt a very important field of medicine ..Andrology. .....read on by visiting below URL and know abt it.......

Dr Sudhakar has recently won a place in World Health Organization (WHO) Sexual Health ICD 11 Committee‏. Being humbly associated with him as a life member of Council of Sex education and parenthood international ( a leading representative organisation of top of the line sexologists,psychologists,counselors,psychiatrists, gynecs etc and probably one non medicao-myself) I take pride in introducing this valueable jewel to my contacts. Alok

Andromeda Andrology Center
First Floor, Topaz, Greenlands Road
P.O. Box 1563, Hyderabad 500082, INDIA
Phone :             + 91 40 2340 2430      , 2341 6402
Fax : + 91 40 2340 5096
Email : AndromedaAndrology@Gmail.com
URL : www.AndromedaAndrologyCenter.com

 

Pass Book .....read on and remember the good days...

 At the end of the wedding party,

Priya's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.

With Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: 'Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.

When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.

Write down what it's about next to the line.

The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.

I've done the first one for you today.

Do the others with Hitesh.

When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.

They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:

- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage

- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya

- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali

- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant

- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted

.... And so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.

They didn't talk much.

They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... No more love...

Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Priya talked to her Mother:

'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.

I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal.

Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it.

But before that, do one thing first.

Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?

Take out all money and spend it first.

You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Priya thought it was true.

So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account..

While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.

She looked, and looked, and looked.

Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.

Her eyes were then filled with tears.

She left and went home.

When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce..

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.

She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:

'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years.

How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?

I did not ask.

I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

“If u can't be a pencil to write anyone's happiness, try at least to be a nice rubber to erase everyone's sorrows…………”

 

'Hate circuit' discovered in brain‏...how to short circuit ....

•  'Hate circuit' discovered in brain‏

07:45AM

Reply  ▼

 Alok Tholia

• 

  

To Yahoogroup CAI, CSEPI Yahoogroups, santacruzcivicforum@yahoogroups.com, tholiya@yahoogroups.com, menow@yahoogroups.com, resortstimemeshare-india@yahoogroups.com, jainmatrimonials@yahoogroups.com

OK, we know now that why person has some strong attitudes be it hate or jealousy or anger or strong  urge to take revenge. But then how to short circuit such circuit in brain. How to cure such a person?? Specially a person so suffering does not himself realize his such strong instincts so he never approaches mental health experts and is always fully convinced that his such grudges are correct and justified. 

Can some one please advise? 

Alok 

07-10-2011

Reply  ▼

 rajiv Add to contacts

To member_cai@yahoogroups.com

Thanks Doc for reminding me of the insula. I'd read a lot about it a few years back.

The insula, is involved with emotions. So I can understand that it is involved in the hate circuit. But what I feel is that it is the main connection between the emotions and our body states. For it is involved in the process of homeostasis. Meditation has a strong effect on the anterior insular cortex. And it even has a connection with addictions, as a number of people who had had strokes (in 2007 or 2008), which had affected their insular, suddenly stopped smoking. 
I have been intrigued by the insula for a number of years, but I don't know how to make anything concrete out of it. Doc, I hope you, or some of your colleagues can do some more research on the insula. For I feel it is the key brain area in the mystery of mental health puzzle.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insular_cortex

Regards

Rajiv

--- In member_cai@yahoogroups.com, counselors association wrote:
>
> 'Hate circuit' discovered in brainThe hate circuit was first clearly identified in 2008 by UCL Professor Semir Zeki who found that a circuit which seemed to connect three regions in the brain (the superior frontal gyrus, insula and putamen) when test subjects were shown pictures of people they hated
> .The putamen is thought to be used to prepare the body for movement - so it's possible this be active either to provide protection of the loved one, or to prepare for an aggressive or spiteful act from the hated one. The insula is associated with feelings of distress, such asjealousy.http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn15060-hate-circuit-discovered-in-brain.html
> 
> 
> [sent by my friend Dr Ashok]
>

'Hate circuit' discovered in brain

The hate circuit was first clearly identified in 2008 by UCL Professor Semir Zeki who found that a circuit which seemed to connect three regions in the brain (the superior frontal gyrus, insula and putamen) when test subjects were shown pictures of people they hated
.The putamen is thought to be used to prepare the body for movement - so it's possible this be active either to provide protection of the loved one, or to prepare for an aggressive or spiteful act from the hated one. The insula is associated with feelings of distress, such as jealousy.http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn15060-hate-circuit-discovered-in-brain.html

[sent by my friend Dr Ashok]