Feel free to use delete button and relax .........or read this personal mail of mine..but always feel empowered

We and the people we deal with have developed their personality unknowingly suiting to needs, circumstances, forces of community, samaj, family, neighborhood, places we frequent like college, office, other groups etc etc.. But one day if we find that our life is becoming a burden on self / others, if it is giving more miseries to us and our fellows then it is time to have a relook. Time to change path. Time to say good bye to our such behavior which gives rise to sorrowful situation, change people who make ur life sorrowful or change environmnet u live in which disturbs ur life. Attending following series may help many but many others will keep suffering as they choose to not to change. Abt my mail which r not addressed to any one or group and are for general info. : It has become necessary to clarify that I have come much above my own world and my own people so my most mail are not meant for any individual / group or people I know. My general mails go to up to 50K recipients. Most do not react. Some send praises but many other send brickbats too. All r welcome. As said I have come above all that situations.I am unable to think narrowly for the benefit of my own alone so messages which r good for my people are good for others too so I circulate them to my capacity. But it is right of all to not be bothered by unnecessary mails but be it noise pollution, traffic,marketing calls sms or email and many other things in life are hardly in our hands. Do not crib on such things. At least in my case just write back to me in words (appropriate to ur personality) if u don't want my mails. But if I were u I wud just delete or give command that such mail goes in junk or if I am a busy person then make a folder "read when free" and programme that such mails go to that folder. Many may choose to fwd mails. Their wish. Also note that on advise of by many others I have started using BCC for individual recipients as same id's were picked up by others and misused ( may be that is how I have some of ur ids). So pl. do not think there is some crooked reason in using BCC. There r some balanced person who have criticized my particular mails but being balanced ( rational) they have also endorsed my views on other issues / praised my some other mail. And life is like that. Jainism's first big lesson is Ahinsa, truthfulness and second big lesson is Anekantwad. I never feel that others must like my view point but if they choose to debate then they must be sporting enough to read my counter reply. god save me from those who feel my mails are for them alone and that instead of writing back to me their dislike/ issues which I alone can clarify they go and discuss about my mails with others and get further frustrated. For them my advise is "Feel free to use delete button and relax and feel empowered. I do that to my 85% of mails in my inbox and it takes seconds or write back to the sender". ......Alok AND THOSE WHO WANT TO READ MORE FROM ME ; ONLY AUTHENTIC FREE MATRIMONIALS WEBSITE FOR DIGAMBAR JAINS: www.digambarjains.com/ For Issues of women in distress: http://womendignity.blogspot.com/ For Issues of Sr. citizens : http://varishthanagrik.blogspot.com/ Issues of Public interests : http://aloktholiya.blogspot.com/ http://tenantsoftholiyabhavn.blogspot.com/ For education funds : http://ngoandsociety.spaces.live.com/default.aspx Also subscribe to my very popular yahoo group for mails on ahead of time views: Send blank mail to: menow-subscribe@yahoogroups.com precious collections: http://beautifulwe.blogspot.com/

My reply to a counselor trying to help a spoilt child...

• [member_cai] (unknown)‏

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03:34AM

Reply  ▼

 Alok Tholia

To Yahoogroup CAI

I am shocked to read that parents have tried shouting and bashing up. What a way???? I can only condemn that and feel sorry abt children. 

Parents have not been friends, well connected , not given enough time and thus children are now with peers and r under peer pressure and friends influence. 

Slowly and systematically parents have to befriend own and then other children. And also try simultaneously how to change the environment / cut off from these friends without making it look obvious / offending them.

One of my neighbor who was busy earning and was leaving child at home after  long found her to be in same spot as narrated by you, She made a good ground and shifted to Delhi and started living amongst her good relatives and bought a small shop for this boy and now he is doing a very good business. 

Be friending a child = bring good books, cd's, take them to picnics, movies of good types, pravachan/ spiritual discourses, buy a hobby materials, offer them various choices of courses form dance, music, personality development etc  but ensure there is a right type of crowd where u r sending ur child. There r some educational institutes which r infested with drug peddlers, flocked by who's who 's children who do lots of show off and expenses on friends but make spoil them too. So one has to be alert where they r sending child. etc etc...
Thanks and Regards, 
Alok Tholiya 

---

To: member_cai@yahoogroups.com
From: pallavibhurkay
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 10:05:08 +0530
Subject: [member_cai] (unknown)

 

Dear friends,

I have been seeing a (girl) client who is 14 yrs old, studying in class 10. she is very defiant, steals from home, runs away if punished or shouted at, is not open to counseling. her parents have tried talking to her patiently, punished her, even hit her, nothing helps... her parents say that she was stubborn as a child but was manageable now she has friends who are all like her and these children support each other to gang up against their parents. they encourage their friends to not listen to their parents and help them run away from home if reprimanded. All these kids come from a middle class family with loving and caring parents. I met met 3 of the parents and they all seem to have given up the children threaten suicide if they are tried to disciplined. they steal money, gamble, go to hookah parlours and are addicted to BBM which they say was gifted to them by some friends. when parents tried to question them they run away from home...

The parents seem helpless and want to see their children being responsible and gud citizens. 

I feel stuck too and would appreciate your help in this matter.

Warmly

pallavi

Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurti is India's one of the best doctor in the field of Andrology‏

We in India do not have much knowledge abt a very important field of medicine ..Andrology. .....read on by visiting below URL and know abt it.......

Dr Sudhakar has recently won a place in World Health Organization (WHO) Sexual Health ICD 11 Committee‏. Being humbly associated with him as a life member of Council of Sex education and parenthood international ( a leading representative organisation of top of the line sexologists,psychologists,counselors,psychiatrists, gynecs etc and probably one non medicao-myself) I take pride in introducing this valueable jewel to my contacts. Alok

Andromeda Andrology Center
First Floor, Topaz, Greenlands Road
P.O. Box 1563, Hyderabad 500082, INDIA
Phone :             + 91 40 2340 2430      , 2341 6402
Fax : + 91 40 2340 5096
Email : AndromedaAndrology@Gmail.com
URL : www.AndromedaAndrologyCenter.com

 

Pass Book .....read on and remember the good days...

 At the end of the wedding party,

Priya's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.

With Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: 'Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.

When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.

Write down what it's about next to the line.

The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.

I've done the first one for you today.

Do the others with Hitesh.

When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.

They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:

- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage

- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya

- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali

- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant

- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted

.... And so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.

They didn't talk much.

They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... No more love...

Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Priya talked to her Mother:

'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.

I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal.

Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it.

But before that, do one thing first.

Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?

Take out all money and spend it first.

You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Priya thought it was true.

So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account..

While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.

She looked, and looked, and looked.

Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.

Her eyes were then filled with tears.

She left and went home.

When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce..

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.

She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:

'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years.

How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?

I did not ask.

I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

“If u can't be a pencil to write anyone's happiness, try at least to be a nice rubber to erase everyone's sorrows…………”

 

'Hate circuit' discovered in brain‏...how to short circuit ....

•  'Hate circuit' discovered in brain‏

07:45AM

Reply  ▼

 Alok Tholia

• 

  

To Yahoogroup CAI, CSEPI Yahoogroups, santacruzcivicforum@yahoogroups.com, tholiya@yahoogroups.com, menow@yahoogroups.com, resortstimemeshare-india@yahoogroups.com, jainmatrimonials@yahoogroups.com

OK, we know now that why person has some strong attitudes be it hate or jealousy or anger or strong  urge to take revenge. But then how to short circuit such circuit in brain. How to cure such a person?? Specially a person so suffering does not himself realize his such strong instincts so he never approaches mental health experts and is always fully convinced that his such grudges are correct and justified. 

Can some one please advise? 

Alok 

07-10-2011

Reply  ▼

 rajiv Add to contacts

To member_cai@yahoogroups.com

Thanks Doc for reminding me of the insula. I'd read a lot about it a few years back.

The insula, is involved with emotions. So I can understand that it is involved in the hate circuit. But what I feel is that it is the main connection between the emotions and our body states. For it is involved in the process of homeostasis. Meditation has a strong effect on the anterior insular cortex. And it even has a connection with addictions, as a number of people who had had strokes (in 2007 or 2008), which had affected their insular, suddenly stopped smoking. 
I have been intrigued by the insula for a number of years, but I don't know how to make anything concrete out of it. Doc, I hope you, or some of your colleagues can do some more research on the insula. For I feel it is the key brain area in the mystery of mental health puzzle.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insular_cortex

Regards

Rajiv

--- In member_cai@yahoogroups.com, counselors association wrote:
>
> 'Hate circuit' discovered in brainThe hate circuit was first clearly identified in 2008 by UCL Professor Semir Zeki who found that a circuit which seemed to connect three regions in the brain (the superior frontal gyrus, insula and putamen) when test subjects were shown pictures of people they hated
> .The putamen is thought to be used to prepare the body for movement - so it's possible this be active either to provide protection of the loved one, or to prepare for an aggressive or spiteful act from the hated one. The insula is associated with feelings of distress, such asjealousy.http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn15060-hate-circuit-discovered-in-brain.html
> 
> 
> [sent by my friend Dr Ashok]
>

'Hate circuit' discovered in brain

The hate circuit was first clearly identified in 2008 by UCL Professor Semir Zeki who found that a circuit which seemed to connect three regions in the brain (the superior frontal gyrus, insula and putamen) when test subjects were shown pictures of people they hated
.The putamen is thought to be used to prepare the body for movement - so it's possible this be active either to provide protection of the loved one, or to prepare for an aggressive or spiteful act from the hated one. The insula is associated with feelings of distress, such as jealousy.http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn15060-hate-circuit-discovered-in-brain.html

[sent by my friend Dr Ashok]

Secret's out: why women really have sex

Secret's out: why women really have sex

Source : The Daily Telegraph - September 08, 2009 - 12:00AM

FOR every woman expecting the earth to move, there are two with more practical motives.

From relieving boredom, to keeping the peace or curing a headache, women have sex for many reasons but romance and passion come rather low on the list, a new book has revealed.

One woman even admitted to having sex just so her husband would put the rubbish out.

"Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all," Why Women Have Sexauthors Cindy Meston and David Buss said.

Having apparently discounted physical attraction, the 1000 women interviewed by the Texas University professors gave a huge range of reasons for sleeping with a man.

One said she did it for a spiritual experience, proclaiming: "It's the closest thing to God."

But mostly the explanations were far more mundane, with 84 per cent admitting to having sex just to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for household chores. One woman said: "I have sex to relieve the boredom because it's easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do."

While it may not come as welcome news, some women have sex out of sympathy, with one admitting: "I slept with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them."

But many have more selfish motives, with financial or material rewards a major factor.

In one survey of students, nearly one in 10 women admitted to "having sex for presents". Others said: "He bought me a nice dinner", "he spent a lot of money on me early on", "he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle".

And rather than love or romance, for many women sex is just about fun.

Six in 10 university students said they slept with a male friend who was not their boyfriend.

"Life is too damn short to be waiting four years to have sex again," one said.

Why some women pay the price in bed

Why some women pay the price in bed

Tanya Datta, TNN | Sep 30, 2011, 05.18PM IST

So you are a wife who likes to wear the trousers at home? Attention women, this might spell doom for you in your bedroom.

According to a recent report, Women who like to take all the household decisions can find themselves waiting 100 times longer for passion than those who do things jointly with theirpartner. Things like deciding the weekly budget, matters relating to children etc, there should be an equal participation from both the members.

The report noted the level of decision-making and then compared it with the women's own accounts of their sexual relationships. And it found there was a clear link between those homemakers who take charge and the amount of sex they had.

For pyschologist Seema Hingoranny who completely agrees with the report, says that there has been an increasing number of men coming for advice on the same issue, "There have been a lot of married men who have come up to me with this complain that their wives are too bossy and this surely makes their sexual intimacy suffer. If there is a dominating trait in a preson's personality, it will extend in other spheres of the person's life and space."

But another side of the report says than men being turned off by their dominating partners in bed, it can be that women take control of things in bed as well and prefer doing their own thing.

Shweta Singh, a marriage counsellor states, "Men have never been able to take women doing better than them in any sphere of life. They like being in control and if that doesn't happen the relationship suffers. There tends to be a clash of ideologies which in the longer run is not beneficial for both of them. The couple needs to strike a healthy balance." Agrees Hingoranny and cites, "Women should understand that they should change their position and stance sometimes. They do not seem to realise that they are the dominating one in the relationship till the time they come to us and we subtly pronounce to them about where they are going wrong."