When someone is suffering, the suggestion to focus on the positive can cause further hurt. It leaves many feeling like their pain is being invalidated and is unimportant, which can feel the same as being told that they are unimportant. Before people who are suffering can begin to reach for some help out of their pain, they often need validation for their experience. They need to get the message that their pain is understood; it is a very human experience; and it is worthy of compassion. Once they receive this message, they are often able to gain the comfort and soothing they need. This is a positive experience, which sometimes enables them to reach for more positive experiences. This domino effect of feeling good is not just a hopeful idea, but rather has been supported by common wisdom and experience and scientific studies (such as in the work of Barbara Fredrickson).
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