SEX PAST THE 40’s

SEX PAST THE 40’s

Among the common misconceptions around sex- especially in India- is that it is a pointless exercise after 40. That it is pointless is wrong, but it sure is a great way to exercise. For a lot of people, after 40 is when they have the time and the freedom of not looking after the kids, elders and job stresses. You are mostly settled and have a little more time for your spouse. So if anything, it's the best time to spice things up and go for it. While the fervour and the excitement will not be on the level it was in your 20's, the intimacy, love and sensuality should make up for it. Knowledge and understanding play a big part in maintaining a healthy sex life past the forties.

 

Here are a few ways you can keep the magic alive:

 

Keep the excitement levels up in more ways than one. Dopamine plays a vital role in sexual inspiration. With age and stability, the predictability of the relationship may get a little stale. Try to keep the dopamine flowing by indulging in something adventurous like vacations, gliding, rafting or even amusement park rides.

Common sense dictates that libido will decrease by the time you reach your forties.  Perimenopause (the stage before menopause) can begin as early as 35. If you are concerned about your hormone levels, have your doctor test for both estrogen and testosterone levels. Symptoms like sleep disturbances, vaginal dryness and even hot flashes occur in women past the forties. Men may suffer from very low libido and erectile dysfunction. So it is not the worst idea to keep your medicine cabinet stocked with right medications. Viagra, vitamin E, a water or silicone based cream for dryness and estrogen tablets are among the most commonly used medications.

Exercising is great not only to keep the fitness levels up but also for sex. Yoga and meditation keep the body and mind relaxed and stress free while working on firming up loose muscles. As we have said in our previous issue, kegel exercises are a boon for the sex life past the forties. They help in keeping your pelvic floor strong and they can also help to prevent bladder control issues. Best of all, regular Kegels can help you enjoy longer, stronger orgasms.

Sex aids are often looked down upon and are very hard to find in India but they help in a big way to keep the spark alive past the 40's and can be easily ordered online. Using warming lubrication or a clitoral stimulator can speed up your sexual response and make sex more comfortable and exciting. Plus, just the added excitement of using them will enhance your sex life for the future.

Put the relationship before kids. Parents do find this hard to do and dote over their kids to a point where the relationship takes a back seat. A lot of couples devote all of their emotional energy, time and resources to their children and end up having nothing left for their spouse. If you are among the majority, change this. This does not mean you shouldn't love your kids any less — it just means that you need date nights, vacations without the kids, and more time spent with your spouse alone.

Be open. At this point in your married life, you should be comfortable to ask your spouse what they like in bed and explain to them what works for you. Communication is of vital importance, not only in the bedroom but also for everything in a relationship. Don't sit back and expect your partner to make the first move. It’s your sex life, and there is nothing wrong with being proactive and communicative about it.

You need to have sex at least once a week. It will help keep the love and intimacy at a much higher level. Plan out a night every week- keeping each other’s schedules in mind- for just the two of you. And make sure you do not cancel it unless it's really important. Your laundry and cleaning the closet can wait for another day but your relationship should not have too.

 

So there you go. Some extremely simple yet highly effective ways to keep the proverbial spark alive. Age should never come in the way of your sexual relationship. After all, it is just a number. Sex doesn't come with an expiry date. Just keep at it and it will always be as fresh as ever.