Respected Harishji,
Namasker.
I m just not competent enough to advise / comment.But can share some of my experiences.
1. A girl was just not willing to go to school on Thursdays. Other days she was too willing. Luckily we cud narrow down on Thursday and approached school if there is something differant then usual. Teachers said that on Thursdays there is a music class and only two girls have taken that. We had no hesitation in saying that there is some thing wrong happening in that music class as otherwise this girl was too keen on music too. Finally after investigations it was found that the music teacher was trying something un writable here.School removed that teacher and the girl secured first class thru out and further became very good dance and music artist.
2. There was a boy who was very much against going to school while was very interested in learning at home. First thing I tried to find was how was the school he was going to. He was going to one sherry's academy. People in neighborhood said one advocate started it to keep his wife occupied but she is not taking interest. And finally she has kept two girls from near by slums who r very crude and harsh. He was shifted to Basent Montessari and then Arya Vidya Mandir and did well and even if he was running fever he wanted not to miss his school.
3. one day as I was going that way I wanted to drop my child to school on way. He refused. Child insisted in going to school in bus. Later on one day I queried child without creating any reservations and child said innocently Khan uncle ( bus owner and driver) puts on filmi songs in bus, he takes us some time to garden etc etc. I had to approach school on this and Principal was aghast to hear that children being taken to garden unauthorizedly. The necessary steps were taken.
4. My son did not want to go on a picnic at any cost.He was refusing to go with full force. School was unable to understand and normally they make it compulsory so were bent upon taking him. I can't pressurize anyone without trying to understand him / her and without preparing him/ her for worst possible/ educating. So when he finally confided that there is a robust Punjabi boy doing all sorts of harassment, pushing, snatching away his food etc etc.. I had to prepare him that world is full of such people and u have to learn to avoid them and at times challenge them. Then when I went to drop him at railway station I specifically asked amongst boys who is this xyz boy and when he was pin pointed I just shook hands with him but he realized there is some reason he was selected for intro. Then I quietly briefed the teacher abt this boy and the reason why my son was reluctant to go to picnic. Since that day there was never a problem.
So I feel most children have differant issues then elders. So we have to ensure that they confide with us. May be girl has some one in house, neighborhood,school, school bus, servant, uncle, etc etc.. who is doing some thing unbearable to her. May be parents r doing something which she hats too much and finds unbearable. And now in new environment things have changed for better and she is happy.
So if there is reason to believe the parents then definitely she is in better hands and thus feels cool. But if the parents are lying or are ignorant then ....???? But sir, I appreciate your concern for this little girl inspite of being so busy u r thinking of her. Actually even I feel concerned abt her but the limitations r limitations. However request her parents to bring her to u once when she is here on festival holidays and keep one session with her and clear doubt.
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya
To: member_cai@yahoogroups.com
From: nabonita@gmail.com
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:35:48 +0530
Subject: Re: [member_cai] " I want to die": .....NEED YOUR GUIDANCE......
So I feel most children have differant issues then elders. So we have to ensure that they confide with us. May be girl has some one in house, neighborhood,school, school bus, servant, uncle, etc etc.. who is doing some thing unbearable to her. May be parents r doing something which she hats too much and finds unbearable. And now in new environment things have changed for better and she is happy.
Alok Tholiya
To: member_cai@yahoogroups.com
From: nabonita@gmail.com
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:35:48 +0530
Subject: Re: [member_cai] " I want to die": .....NEED YOUR GUIDANCE......
dear sir...i think you have done what you and your team could do wit
regard to the child...maybe she is really happy after your
intervention,maybe her parents dont want you to interfere more or
maybe its something else...the point is that our job as therapists is
to empower our clients and not make them dependant..the child is young
but her parents also need to be responsible for her wellbeing more
than anybody else...i am sure the child will come back to you when
needs to as your team must have given her the relief...but i dont
think contacting her school is ideal as it breaches confidentiality
completely...i have seen a lot of suicidal clients myself and as long
as the primary caregivers know and are aware of her tendencies i think
it works...we do our best as therapists but we to also have
limitations.
On 8/7/11, Harish Shetty <harish139@yahoo.com> wrote:
> " I want to die": .....NEED YOUR GUIDANCE......URGENTLY
>
>
> " I want to die" shared this 13 year old girl a couple of months ago. The
> thoughts have been disturbing her since a few months. She had crying spells
> , problems in sleeping , poor concentration and fall in grades since then.
> Her medical parameters were normal. Her suicidal thoughts were mild to
> moderate and apparently her parents are reasonably conservative and would
> not allow her to meet her friends late in the night. Her family had two
> close biological members who suffered depressive bouts.The family had been
> fairly democratic and indulgent in other ways and parenting philosophies
> were very grounded. Her school was cool without any triggers or hassles for
> this bout of depression.She is impulsive, stubborn but reasonably adjusted.
>
> Some months back the family had taken a decision to send this child to a
> boarding school with the consent and desire of the child. Her close friend
> in her class had also decided the same. This bout of depression upset the
> cart. She was put on antidepressants by me and therapy through a clinical
> psychologist. We felt that the child would be safer here with her parents
> and treatment. The psychologist also had a joint meeting with the present
> principal of her school with the child and the kid relented to stay back.
> She attended her present school for a few days only. Suddenly she began
> insisting that she wants to join the boarding school. All requests and
> counseling was in vain. Her mother agreed with us but her father was
> inclined to go by the girls decision. The decision about the boarding school
> was driven by the child before the onset of depression.
>
> Without our consent her father dropped her to the hostel school. They shared
> the fact with the warden+ the new principal that the child was on
> medications and this was continued. They did not share the fact that the
> child had expressed suicidal thoughts.
>
> We are very worried.
>
> Today after 5 weeks I spoke to the mother on my own initiative. According
> to the mother the child is reasonably cheerful and has not complained about
> any sadness or pain. I was relieved but many questions cross my mind.
>
> Here we have a child diagnosed to be depressed and suicidal living in a
> hostel without counseling support. At the same time she according to the
> mother is cheerful and has no complaints.
>
> What do you think we should do and how do we proceed ?
>
> anxiously,
>
> Harish Shetty
regard to the child...maybe she is really happy after your
intervention,maybe her parents dont want you to interfere more or
maybe its something else...the point is that our job as therapists is
to empower our clients and not make them dependant..the child is young
but her parents also need to be responsible for her wellbeing more
than anybody else...i am sure the child will come back to you when
needs to as your team must have given her the relief...but i dont
think contacting her school is ideal as it breaches confidentiality
completely...i have seen a lot of suicidal clients myself and as long
as the primary caregivers know and are aware of her tendencies i think
it works...we do our best as therapists but we to also have
limitations.
On 8/7/11, Harish Shetty <harish139@yahoo.com> wrote:
> " I want to die": .....NEED YOUR GUIDANCE......URGENTLY
>
>
> " I want to die" shared this 13 year old girl a couple of months ago. The
> thoughts have been disturbing her since a few months. She had crying spells
> , problems in sleeping , poor concentration and fall in grades since then.
> Her medical parameters were normal. Her suicidal thoughts were mild to
> moderate and apparently her parents are reasonably conservative and would
> not allow her to meet her friends late in the night. Her family had two
> close biological members who suffered depressive bouts.The family had been
> fairly democratic and indulgent in other ways and parenting philosophies
> were very grounded. Her school was cool without any triggers or hassles for
> this bout of depression.She is impulsive, stubborn but reasonably adjusted.
>
> Some months back the family had taken a decision to send this child to a
> boarding school with the consent and desire of the child. Her close friend
> in her class had also decided the same. This bout of depression upset the
> cart. She was put on antidepressants by me and therapy through a clinical
> psychologist. We felt that the child would be safer here with her parents
> and treatment. The psychologist also had a joint meeting with the present
> principal of her school with the child and the kid relented to stay back.
> She attended her present school for a few days only. Suddenly she began
> insisting that she wants to join the boarding school. All requests and
> counseling was in vain. Her mother agreed with us but her father was
> inclined to go by the girls decision. The decision about the boarding school
> was driven by the child before the onset of depression.
>
> Without our consent her father dropped her to the hostel school. They shared
> the fact with the warden+ the new principal that the child was on
> medications and this was continued. They did not share the fact that the
> child had expressed suicidal thoughts.
>
> We are very worried.
>
> Today after 5 weeks I spoke to the mother on my own initiative. According
> to the mother the child is reasonably cheerful and has not complained about
> any sadness or pain. I was relieved but many questions cross my mind.
>
> Here we have a child diagnosed to be depressed and suicidal living in a
> hostel without counseling support. At the same time she according to the
> mother is cheerful and has no complaints.
>
> What do you think we should do and how do we proceed ?
>
> anxiously,
>
> Harish Shetty
__._,_.___
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