Secret's out: why women really have sex

Secret's out: why women really have sex

Source : The Daily Telegraph - September 08, 2009 - 12:00AM

FOR every woman expecting the earth to move, there are two with more practical motives.

From relieving boredom, to keeping the peace or curing a headache, women have sex for many reasons but romance and passion come rather low on the list, a new book has revealed.

One woman even admitted to having sex just so her husband would put the rubbish out.

"Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all," Why Women Have Sexauthors Cindy Meston and David Buss said.

Having apparently discounted physical attraction, the 1000 women interviewed by the Texas University professors gave a huge range of reasons for sleeping with a man.

One said she did it for a spiritual experience, proclaiming: "It's the closest thing to God."

But mostly the explanations were far more mundane, with 84 per cent admitting to having sex just to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for household chores. One woman said: "I have sex to relieve the boredom because it's easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do."

While it may not come as welcome news, some women have sex out of sympathy, with one admitting: "I slept with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them."

But many have more selfish motives, with financial or material rewards a major factor.

In one survey of students, nearly one in 10 women admitted to "having sex for presents". Others said: "He bought me a nice dinner", "he spent a lot of money on me early on", "he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle".

And rather than love or romance, for many women sex is just about fun.

Six in 10 university students said they slept with a male friend who was not their boyfriend.

"Life is too damn short to be waiting four years to have sex again," one said.

Why some women pay the price in bed

Why some women pay the price in bed

Tanya Datta, TNN | Sep 30, 2011, 05.18PM IST

So you are a wife who likes to wear the trousers at home? Attention women, this might spell doom for you in your bedroom.

According to a recent report, Women who like to take all the household decisions can find themselves waiting 100 times longer for passion than those who do things jointly with theirpartner. Things like deciding the weekly budget, matters relating to children etc, there should be an equal participation from both the members.

The report noted the level of decision-making and then compared it with the women's own accounts of their sexual relationships. And it found there was a clear link between those homemakers who take charge and the amount of sex they had.

For pyschologist Seema Hingoranny who completely agrees with the report, says that there has been an increasing number of men coming for advice on the same issue, "There have been a lot of married men who have come up to me with this complain that their wives are too bossy and this surely makes their sexual intimacy suffer. If there is a dominating trait in a preson's personality, it will extend in other spheres of the person's life and space."

But another side of the report says than men being turned off by their dominating partners in bed, it can be that women take control of things in bed as well and prefer doing their own thing.

Shweta Singh, a marriage counsellor states, "Men have never been able to take women doing better than them in any sphere of life. They like being in control and if that doesn't happen the relationship suffers. There tends to be a clash of ideologies which in the longer run is not beneficial for both of them. The couple needs to strike a healthy balance." Agrees Hingoranny and cites, "Women should understand that they should change their position and stance sometimes. They do not seem to realise that they are the dominating one in the relationship till the time they come to us and we subtly pronounce to them about where they are going wrong."

read my advise to person seeking tips on divorce

http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Divorce-44078.asp


Forum Home > Divorce > Family Law > Divorce






Dear Experts,
I got married 5 months ago, My marriage is not working. I saw some strage behaviour in my wife after marriage, all those symptoms leads to mental imblance. Now she has taking treatment for that. I am not physically satisfied with that in all manner "emotions and pleasure".Now i decide to take divorce and tell all to my and her parents. They agree for this but my wife's parents saying that they will not go to court and remain exparte.
Pl Tell
1. What are grounds for Divorce
2. How much time it will take for ex parte decree

Request you to advise ASAP
Regards,
Rahul

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adv. rajeev ( rajoo )

practicing advocate

On the ground of mental absence you can seek for divorce, but just it is 5 months marriage.

====================================================================

rahul

manager 

Yes Sir this is 5 months old, i think this was old problem.
Pl let me know how much time it will take for EX PARTEE decree and i do not have any medical reports but ihave some mms in which she was mentally absent

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alok Tholiya

self employed 

1. Define/ describe   strange behaviuor
2. mental imbalance

Pl. note that  marriage is the biggest event in life and any one expects it to be as rosy as seen in films or novels then he is wrong. At times there r some plus or minus on either side. There is no perfect person. Instead of recruting new staff corporates spend millions to improve their existing staff by having trainings, workshops, counseling etc etc. They are always reluctant to issue a memo and think hundred times.
Unless you describe how diificult is your situation and that you have taken all pains as a responsible family member and as a husband, as elder  it is not right to advise help you in breaking a holy family. How can one venture in to that and earn bad karmas??
It is not right to give a quick fix solution to motivated person seeking advise without making full efforts to repair the house . Even if I call a kadia / a mason and ask him to to demolish the house because I find a crack / or bad vastu etc he the illetrate poor person does not allow me to do so and says saab we will set it right and you dont have to demolish same.
Can a learned, well set person advise anyone to demolish family for mionor cracks??  Repair relationship, expect less from life, attempt seriously to improve mental and physical health of spouse, join spiritaula programme, go to holistic relationship counselor, go to mental health expert. And if you fail come back with full story and this graet forum is there for miserable sufferres but not to those who want to take undue advantage. I am in favour of divorce but in those cases where same are really irrepairable inspite of  all experts  intervention. Advising for divorce to curious / mischivious is like advising euthensia for recoverable patient ( are we jallad) but caregiver wants patients death for inheriting his estate.
In one  case  boy had promised to his girl friend that I will divorce my wife with in six months and marrying only for social and family reasons. He made  all demands of fun and festivity from parents of bride. His friends and family enjoyed all events and exploited every possible opportunity during marriage. And lo  immediately after marriage boy became dry and disassociated with this innocent bali ka bakra bride. And that made her loose her temper, become impatient and impolite. So it is the environmet which makes or mars the behavior in most cases. May be she has differant things to tell.
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adv. Chandu 09868332610

Advocate 

My response is only in supplement to the advises given by Mr. Alok Tholiya and sh. shonee Kapoor.  If you can follow their advises, you follow them.  If not,
1.  With the grounds alleged by you, it is difficult for you to get divorce, even ex-parte divorce because you cannot prove your grounds to the satisfaction of the court and even if the grounds are proved, they are not sufficient enough to get divorce decree.
2.  You can go for annulment decree under Section 12 (1)(c) under the ground of concealment of fact relating to your wife that she is not mentally balanced.  If the other party choose not to appear in the court, then you have the chance to get annulment decree.  If they appear and contest, then, it is difficult for you to get even annulment decree.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krishnamohan

Consultatnt 

Dear Mr. Rahul, I support what Mr. Alok tholiya wrote. Life is not always chosing what you like. You have not given enough time to understand the relationship of a husband and wife. Please try to understand your wife's side and do whatever you can to bring her to normalcy if at all she is "mentally not balanced". Even the "satisfaction" you are talking about is related to your own mental balance. Please do not jump into conclusions. Give yourself and her sufficient time to get emotionally attached. Things are not always same. By god's grace, you may find her to be most lovable. Go to counsellors, psychologists and others who can help you save your marriage. Divorce may be an option only when you have sincerely tried all other options.  After all what is the guaranty that you will be satisfied with your next marriage, if you decide to go for it. Please do not misunderstand me. I am talking with sufficient experience with the close friends and family members and my own married life.
I am sure you will be a happy man soon. all the best.

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Bitter halves are better off on their own

Bitter halves are better off on their own

Posted: 11 Sep 2011 02:06 PM PDT

Well, at least that's what a recent survey held in the country suggests 


Gone are the days when women used to be submissive and lived with their men under any circumstance and when divorce used to be a stigma. Well, at least that's what a recent survey held in the country suggests. 

According to the survey, divorce rates are soaring among India's newly affluent middle class, as working women with independent incomes refuse to submit to the traditional ideal of marriage. The scenario seems to have completely changed and the women no longer give a second thought when it comes to seeking divorce. 

Shweta Arora is a perfect example of such a modern-day woman. Though she had a love-cum-arranged marriage, she filed for a divorce even before her first marriage anniversary. And being economically independent she also didn't ask for any alimony, as getting a divorce was her primary concern. 

Shweta shares: Soon after my marriage I came to know that my husband was a drug addict and had no intentions of quitting it. I tried my level best to convince him to join a rehab centre but failed. Once I realised the futility of it, I didn't waste a second and filed for a divorce and soon I got divorced. Now I am a free bird. 

To Shalini Mathur, secretary of an NGO for women, the survey appears to be genuine as she feels that women no more think of divorce as a social stigma. Earlier also middle class women wanted to take divorce but couldn't because of the social pressures and also because they were dependent on their husbands for each and every thing. 

Although the social stigma is still there, the scene has completely changed over the years, as these women don't give a damn. They are self-dependent and can now afford to live on their own terms. Besides, men have refused to change and are still the same narrow minded, opines Shalini. 

But on the flip side Khursheed Kanga, a trans-personal psychotherapist, feels that being self-dependent is not the only reason for middle class women going in for divorce. I feel that women today are more ambitious and give more importance to their career. 

The prime example of this change is that no woman likes to get married without completing her studies. For them studies come first and everything later. One can call it the outcome of the western influence but there has been a continuous change in the Indian value system. 

Lawyer Shishir Bhatnagar says that nowadays it is mostly the women who approach lawyers for separation. Women today give due importance to their security, both social as well as financial, and also they are in no mood to handle any kind of pressures from their in-laws or husband. 

Most of them are independent and like to live a peaceful life and because of this if anything goes wrong in their married life they don't give a second thought and file for a divorce, avers Bhatnagar. 


http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/lucknow-times/Bitter-halves-are-better-off-on-their-own/articleshow/2272195.cmsWomen have stopped suffering life time

Forum Home > > Family Law > Re:Re Can impotency be grounds of divorce if accepted by man

http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/details.asp?mod_id=42790&offset=3

Dear all,
Pl. give advise on issues which u really know a bit abt. Sildenafil citrate is a wonder drug . No doubt. But it has its limitations and should not be taken without advise as it can not be taken by those on nitrate.
If some one is suffering from depression / anxiety etc may also not get erection even if he takes Viagra or similar medicine. So a good doctor will investigate whether he has loss of erection due to physical reasons ( there r various reasons from hormonal to several others) then whether he has psychological reason and he will be treated accordingly. In physiological reasons, some exercises to medicines  or some pumps to even surgery may be advised.
Leave that to a qualified doctor. And never feel sexual disorder to be something to be greatly worried abt or greatly to be ashamed of . Be confident person. And walk in to a good hospital or clinic ( don't reach out to quacks) . Read abt it on net. 90% + cases will get best of results and improved marital relationship.
Organize lectures in your social groups by good docs and get sex education. In Mumbai I can arrange for any group of 50+ nos. A time should come we should be able to discuss abt sexual ailments like we discuss BP and Diabetes. And a confident educated wife, mother or friend should be able to take walk in to a clinic of a sexologists / andrologist/ urologist/ with a affected person like they do when a child is having a minor injury.
Sexual ailments are like any other ailments and need timely intervention of experts but for the ignorance in masses same is feared as one would fear a dragon which is never seen.

Erectile Dysfunction And Inability To Orgasm

For men with erectile dysfunction (ED), 65 percent are unable to have an orgasm and 58 percent have problems with ejaculation, according to new research led by physician-scientists at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center.

The study followed 12,130 men with mild to severe ED and is the largest-ever analysis of orgasmic and ejaculatory dysfunction. Results are published in the British Journal of Urology International.

Approximately 30 million American men, or half of all men aged 40 to 70, have trouble achieving or sustaining an erection. "While medications like Viagra or Cialis have been successful in helping many of these men, our research suggests there are other common sexual issues that remain largely unaddressed," says Dr. Darius Paduch, the study's lead author; male sexual medicine specialist at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center; and assistant professor of urology and reproductive medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College.

"We must expand the definition of quality of life when it comes to sexual performance," Dr. Paduch adds. "For the last few decades, we have focused on penile rigidity, with erection as a synonym of normal sexual function. However, many patients say that problems with ejaculation -- like decreased force or volume or decreased sensation of orgasm -- are just as critical.

"Despite the frequency of these issues, non-erectile sexual dysfunction is underreported and undertreated due to social stigma and misunderstandings about the physiology of male sexual response and orgasmic dysfunction in particular. For decades it was believed that only women had problems with orgasm; our study shows that orgasmic dysfunction could be as prevalent among men as it is among women."

While severity of dysfunctional ejaculation and orgasm correlated with ED severity, says Dr. Paduch, these issues were still surprisingly common in men with very mild ED: Orgasm dysfunction was reported by 26 percent in this group, and ejaculation dysfunction by 18 percent. "This suggests that non-erectile sexual dysfunction is a regular occurrence even in men without ED."

The study reported factors associated with increased risk of ejaculatory and orgasmic dysfunction which includes commonly prescribed antidepressant medications. Ejaculatory and orgasmic dysfunction can be caused by low testosterone and minor brain injury such as that sustained by motor vehicle accident victims, football players suffering from concussion, or by soldiers with combat-related blast head injuries.

The most common ejaculatory dysfunction is premature ejaculation, but the condition also describes delayed ejaculation, inability to ejaculate, painful ejaculation, retrograde ejaculation, as well as a reduced volume of ejaculate or diminished force of ejaculation. Orgasm dysfunction is defined as absence of an orgasm.

In the current study, Dr. Paduch and Alexander Bolyakov, a research associate at Weill Cornell Medical College, in collaboration with a research team from Eli Lilly and Company, analyzed questionnaires from 28 clinical trials of men with mild to moderate erectile dysfunction from a diverse, international cohort of patients enrolled in clinical trials for tadalafil (Cialis).

The study was supported by an educational grant from Eli Lilly and Company. Dr. Paduch and Bolyakov are paid investigators and/or consultants/advisers/speakers for the study sponsor. Additional co-authors included Dr. Anthony Beardsworth and Steven D. Watts -- both from Eli Lilly.

Going forward, Dr. Paduch and Bolyakov will use uniquely specialized equipment available in their lab at Weill Cornell to measure biological and subjective changes that occur in men during orgasm and ejaculation. They will look at whether testosterone-replacement therapy can help men who suffer from non-erectile sexual dysfunction.

"Sexual satisfaction is known to be linked to the likelihood of orgasm, which in turn affects emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction. The high prevalence of both orgasmic and ejaculatory dysfunction warrants further clinical and translational research into new treatments to improve sexual health and overall quality of life for hundreds of thousands of affected men and their loved ones," says Dr. Paduch.

Can small mental disoder be a ground for divorce???

Dear Captain,
Pl. give me reference where u found info that pharmas claim that they can cure all mental illness.

I have not read such a thing.

Besides in psychological issues environment and counseling also plays great role. If environment does not change then there will be little improvement and so also in most cases counseling has to be combined.

Some mental health disorders can really be controlled and others have to be suppressed and some may be a life time issue.

Like in all other fields there are no one answer and one parameter. 

In this particular case OCD is not a very serious disorder ( I am going on below text) and hence I don't think divorce is rightly desired. There r no man or women perfect and on small disorder , ailments no divorce should be given. It is only grave situation like
murderous,nymphomania,etc etc ( playing with life, property )
should a divoce be given.

Alok 

--- In karmayog@yahoogroups.com, captainjohann wrote:
>
> Dear All,
> � � �the biggest lie of all is exposed here. CURED � and TREATED �are two different things is known to every Psychiatrist
> but they have to repeat this lie that " MENTAL ILLNESS IS CURABLE" Infact �the Multi national drug companies have a say in this lie. �They want to creat a myth that all mental illness are curable provided enough funding and enough psychiatrists are available and enough pills are available for pop ups.. Tell them a time frame to cure which may extend to lifelong to 20 years!!!!!
> � � Severe OCD can be dreadful and the welfare of child should have some priority while respecting the rights of
> the ill lady. The husband has shown patience and tolerance for ten years and he wants to move ahead.
> �
> "Greatness lies not in never falling but in rising everytime we fall"
> Captain Johann samuhanand,� BANGALORE� INDIA
> 91 80� 42023252���
> www.captainjohann.blogspot.com
> �
>
>
>
> >________________________________
> >From: anirudh kala
> >To: Vaishnavi Jayakumar
> >Cc: MHA digest ;
> >Sent: Monday, 29 August 2011 5:49 PM
> >Subject: Re: [MhaReformIndia:472] Wife's illness leads man to seek divorce
> >
> >The courts normally do not consider diagnostic label alone while
> >deciding such cases; the nature, extent� of the disability in a
> >particular case is considered more important.
> >Some years back in a similar case, the Supreme Court had pithily
> >observed," Schizophrenia is what schizophrenia does"
> >
> >Anirudh Kala
> >
> >
> >Prof.A.K.Kala,
> >Clinical Director,
> >North India Psychiatry Centre,
> >95-A,Model Gram,
> >Ludhiana.141002
> >
> >Phone 91-161-2772410,2773309,
> >
> >www.psychiatristindia.com
> >
> >
> >
> >On Mon, Aug 29, 2011 at 4:05 PM, Vaishnavi Jayakumar
> > wrote:
> >> Hetal Vyas
> >>
> >> 29 Aug 2011
> >>
> >> BANGALORE�: Prema is a well-educated woman, married to Raghu, an executive
> >> with a multinational company in Bangalore. The couple tied the knot in 1997
> >> and has an 11-year-old daughter. Those who don't know Prema will find her
> >> healthy and happy. But her husband and daughter have experiences otherwise.
> >> Raghu has moved the family court seeking divorce from Prema saying she's
> >> suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), a mental illness or a
> >> psychiatric disorder.
> >>
> >> Raghu, in his plea, has contended that in the initial years of marriage he
> >> noticed that Prema had a habit of doing certain things repetitively. "She
> >> will either keep washing her hands or repeatedly check if the main door is
> >> closed. I used to ignore it, but her behaviour became more obsessive after
> >> our daughter was born in 2000. Once she started going to school, Prema used
> >> to doubt if she really goes to school or not; she does her homework or not.
> >> She used to punish the child for petty reasons," states Raghu.
> >>
> >> But can OCD be a ground for seeking divorce? A family court in Bangalore has
> >> raised this pertinent question. Last week, when Raghu's petition came up for
> >> hearing, the judge posed some questions: "Is this illness incurable? Show
> >> how will it affect your matrimonial prospects?"
> >>
> >> The court also questioned if a person suffering from OCD can live a normal
> >> life. "What if her illness is cured after divorce is granted?" asked the
> >> judge.
> >>
> >> Raghu's lawyer argued: "He waited for two years after finding out that she
> >> is suffering from OCD. She hasn't shown any improvement to treatment for
> >> over ten years now. Even the child is getting affected because of the
> >> mother's behaviour."
> >>
> >> The plea, which was filed in 2001, said Prema's symptoms aggravated from
> >> 2000, after the birth of their daughter. She was treated in two Bangalore
> >> hospitals and also one in the United Kingdom but hasn't shown any
> >> improvement. She is now staying with her parents in Kerala and is under
> >> treatment.
> >>
> >> Prema's lawyer countered that his client is responding to treatment and the
> >> illness is curable. "Just because a mother is giving some minor punishment
> >> to the child, can she be called mentally ill? Or can it be a ground to seek
> >> divorce?" he asked.
> >>
> >> EXPERT OPINION
> >>
> >> Sheila Aneesh, president of All-India Federation of Women Lawyers, said:
> >> "The law generally says that some incurable disease can be a ground for
> >> divorce. But the case should be supported by medical reports which say that
> >> the disorder or the illness is incurable in nature. There are chances that
> >> certain illnesses which are incurable today can be cured tomorrow with the
> >> help of advanced medical facilities. The judgment in a case should be passed
> >> on the present status of the case and not on its future prospects."
> >>
> >> DOCTOR'S DICTATE
> >>
> >> B N Gangadhar, professor of psychiatry, National Institute of Mental Health
> >> and Neurosciences ( Nimhans), had this to say: "Diagnosis cannot answer all
> >> questions. A good proportion of these patients show much improvement and we
> >> say they are cured." He explained that in a similar proportion, response to
> >> treatment would be satisfactory thus enabling a person to perform most of
> >> the essential roles. "However a small proportion would be disabled even
> >> after considerable treatment and the disability of performing matrimonial
> >> duties can vary from case to case," he added.
> >>
> >> MERIT OF THE CASE
> >>
> >> A family court,while hearing the case last week, asked if obsessive
> >> compulsive disorder could be a ground for seeking divorce. "Is this illness
> >> incurable? Show how will it affect your matrimonial prospects? What if her
> >> illness is cured after divorce is granted?" asked the judge.
> >>
> >> http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bangalore/Wifes-illness-leads-man-to-seek-divorce/articleshow/9777329.cms
>